zoozie
Small Victory. Small Defeat.
Aug 27, 2018
Since surgery I have been very lucky to have not had any issues. I feel very lucky and for the first three months weight was coming off at about a pound a day. In this process you learn that our brain views food in a whole different way and we need to learn a new way. I had lost my desire for carbs years ago when I did a bout on the South Beach Diet. That was the greatest thing. I am able to walk away from most pasta and bread even to this day, but if I am honest, the smell of fresh baked bread and perfectly made scampi still makes me weak. So, it came as no surprise that desire kicked in when a coworker brought in croissants to work the other day. They smelled and looked to die for. I have been carb free since surgery and I was not able to control the desire. I took a bite. Ugh, defeat. Then, yes, then...my new brain kicked in. The croissant was not what I thought it would be. That single bite was dry, boring, and so not what I was hoping for. The brain, the new brain said, "If you don't want it in you, spit it out." And I did just that. Out came the bite that initially looked and smelled amazing. Those calories were not needed or wanted and I learned I had no obligation to finish what I had started. I know that sounds trivial but in that moment it was a victory. A new way of seeing food and understanding that you are not obligated to anything, to eat that bite, to swallow it, or to finish the rest. No, no, and no. The desire is there and it always will be, but if I can control how I respond, even if it just means taking a small bite and assessing before committing, that is a win in my book. New ways folks, new brain and new outlook. Onward and downward.