Strength

Oct 05, 2011

I woke up this morning and the scale said 184.4!  I did a small "happy dance".  FOUR pounds from my original goal of 180.  I think once I get there I will probably set a new goal LOL, but just getting there is going to be so exciting.

Strength-where do we get our inner strength from?  That is what I woke up thinking about this morning.  My ex BF came over last night and laid on a good guilt trip.  He of course wants me to move with him, continue paying his way, and continue being miserable.  But for the first time ever...I stood up for myself and said no.  With him it is his way or the highway, like I fool I said we could remain in some type of contact but that isn't good enough for him.  He doesn't understand where I am coming from and probably never will.  So his attitude and his "way of thinking" put us right back where we were in the beginning.....at the END!  I think that God has a way of speaking to us when we are reaching a dangerous point.  God knows that in my heart I just want to be happy and be able to provide for myself and my son.  So when our conversation started out with him and his slick anticts God knew I would easily fall for it.  So he allowed the true attitude to shine through.  Then the cussing started, and that "ghetto" came out and it went down hill fast.  I have learned that it is better to just shut up and let him talk and not say anything.  So he continued to tell me that it had to be this way not that way and that if I moved with my friend then he really knew it was over.  I told him....and I quote "the first load of stuff is going over to her house tomorrow"!  WOW...did I really just stand up for myself and NOT let him change my mind? Where did this attitude come from?  The strength to stand up is an strange overwhelming feeling.  And then I remember that I am not a weak minded person.  I am the woman that raised her son alone.  The one that went through surgery without a man by myside.  Who recovered with no one buy my son at the house with me.  So why at this point and time should I continue to be weak over this man (boy)?  His priorities are different than mine.  We are not in the same place in our lives and honestly he doesn't even know who I am.  And I partly blame myself for that because since I met him I have put myself last and him first so even I forgot who I really am.
I am the person that would give the shirt off my back to someone in need.  Who would do without so that someone else can have.  So taking that attitude and turning it around is something that feels a little strange.  Putting myself first seems strange, maybe selfish.  But I have this desire in my heart to be happy and to do better for myself AND my son.  I want to create memories with him that he will remember forever.  I want to take him places that he has never been before.  Experience new things, see his face light up.  I want him to go to school and tell his friends about his amazing weekend with his super cool mom LOL.  I want to educate him, excite him, help him to open up and become passionate about things as well.  I want to show him everything I can, because when you come right down to it....tomorrow is promised to no one.  The true priorities have to be taken care of...the foolishness has to be left to the side.

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