Last night I just felt lonely and got mad really mad went to bed mad and woke up in the middle of the night mad and upset...lately I have been focusing on my surgery and really haven't felt this way in a few months...so yesterday I got so mad that I have been single for sooo long..no boyfriend, no friends with benefits, no potentials...nothing...I am so mad that these chicken heads can walk around here with no moral values, home training, or goals and can get a man..and here I am single...I am just plain sick of it..

I am not trying to settle for less, but at times I start to double think things... I used to drown my feeling with food..but since the surgery I have to find other things to do.

I am a good woman and why are these guys such jerks...why are they only tryig to sleep with me and not put in the work..I am tired of these lazy, jacked up, dumb-ass men..

Prime example:
This sorry dude has been "supposely" trying to get with me for the longest, but he rather work all darn day and night than to take me out...but yet he is quick to try and come over to my crib and try to lay around...Nope...I nipped that in the bud years ago..I have been telling him that if he is not ready to be foreal than do not contact me...this dude keeps contacting me, but still wants to act the same way..so yesterday, I was chatting with him and he mentions how he wants to see me..I say well you still owe me a date...a date he has been promising for months...he just response...no doubt...so at that point I am like why am I still wasting my time with his crappy dude that odviously will not change...so I told him again..he wasn't ready to deal with a woman like me..and just left him alone...I am so done with him..  First off he has no type of conversation and I am tired of trying to pull one out of him...tired of his text, which thank goodness he has stopped texting me with dumbness!  I really wanted to give him a chance b/c he was a guy with no kids, has a job, and seems like he got goal..but is a social retard when it comes to women.  so I pray I never contact him or he contacts me again!!!
It just really bothers me from time to time that I have no love life..I realize that I am not the only one that is going thru this b/c I have several friends that are single..meaning no boyfriend, but yet have "friends"...

Then I started thinking that this is not where I want to be...as in my career...I have to start making moves b/c the place where I am at now is not a place I want to die at...I want to make more money and feel appreciated..I am tired of fighting with these darn reps about the same thing..tired of the BS...just plain fed up...

Just had to vent real quick

Its just so hard for me dealing with this surgery with my emotionals are every which way..I don't regret this surgery at all, but it just seems like my emotions are on overload lately..and its really hard for me to break this wall that I built when it comes to guys ever since I got my heart broken, but I guess I never fully got over it...I tell myself to just let it go and just forget about him, but I guess its hard because we still talk...not as often as we used to, but we still do talk.  At times I want to just scream b.c how is it that I still love this man that does not feel the same about me.  I have no one else to occupy me so that I can completely forget about him...
I am just tired of getting hurt over foolishness..I try to be nice, but men don't want that...try to be mean...but then I am too darn men...so I just step back and say I just don't care...so I close myself off...I just want a man to pamper me, freak me until I go to sleep, and then cook me something to eat...I want a man to kiss me like I am the only chick on earth...I really just want to be held...just let me cry in his arms as he hold me tight for as long as I want....thats what I miss...being held...the intimacy...haven't been held in a very long time...I am just tired of feeling invisible or that my feelings don't mean anything...