Independence day or free not to

Jul 04, 2009

The 4th fell on a Saturday so I had Friday the 3rd off from work as well. I had looked into some possible events but all fell through so I spent the 4th declaring my independence by cleaning the house. Which was actually a good thing. You see my girls are out of town with my sister for the summer and I have, short of working,  much wanted free time on my hands and though I do not wish to spend it doing housework it's nice to have gotten much of it done and see it stay done for a change. It was a climatically beautiful day. Sun shinning, windows open, smell of barbquing,  fireworks going off beautiful day. Funny thing is I wasn't too concerned with not going to any cookouts. See I don't eat much, if I can finish a half cup at anyone time it's amazing and I find the food always smells better these days then it actually taste. Sometimes I think my taste buds don't work anymore. As much as I relish the lost of weight and look forward to reaching my goal, I kind of  miss the emotional joy I once got from eating. That physical feeling of fullness that I just don't get from eating now, I  even miss the feeling of having stuffed myself sometimes.  Ahh to eat one whole cheese burger with bun, a couple of barbgued ribs, a hot dog and  some mac and cheese.  I found taking 30 mintues to finish a meal is not the hard part I actually like eating out and slowing down how fast I finish, but chewing a gazillion times until all the flavor is gone before I can finally swallow, now that's hard,  it seems to take something away from the whole reason for eating. But I do find it easier to eat slower when I'm out with others then when I'm eating alone or at home.
I used to look forward to eating events and now I'm not as thrilled. My girl friend invited me to Wings N Things and I thought to myself , Why? so I can have a wing and maybe a thing. Not that I can't enjoy the just being there. Last month my job did their annual values day event which included barbque and I had a cheese burger, no bun, a few bites, grilled chicken a few bites,  macaroni salad a few bites, cole slaw a few bites,  the hot dogs were nasty, no bites and a Mr Softee ices.  Thing is the company was good as was the food for the most part although I had maybe a 12 cup in total. Last week I went to a kids bitrthday party in the park. I had some mac and cheese it was delicious, a meatball, some rice, some chicken a 3 bean salad hadn't had that in a long time,  it was also good, she knew about my surgery so she put maybe a tablespoon of each, which of course I still couldn't finish. So for the 4th of July I cleaned, watched a movie  ate a piece of baked fish, a half bag of microwaved popcorn and too many ices to count.  Independence: the freedom not to have to.......anything. 

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