jlmil
Where have I been?
Jun 17, 2010
What a good question, where have I been?
I have been hiding in plain sight. At least that is what I have always felt like being extremely overweight. It's the place where no one looks you in the eye, a place where your bosses dismiss you with a glance, a place where you are always comparing yourself with others around you, especially the thinner people. I have been in a place that I was convinced by the actions of others to start to doubt my own self worth, doubt that I had a right to be apart of this world. It was a place that almost, almost had me conviced that I must accept the scraps of life with never being allowed to enjoy the bounty. But still...... there was always a spark, a voice, something, something inside of me that would fight the perception I had of myself, that would fight the perception of what others had with me.
It was this spark that kept me trying to get healther, trying to get a hold of the demons that caused me to eat for every other reason under the sun than true hunger. I finally realize that this spark is my passion, my passion for life. It was always there, it was just buried. Buried under the layers of fat and layers of self hatred, self doubt and self destruction.
My passion is getting stronger, louder, not taking no for an answer.
I am just shy of 8 weeks out from surgery. The surgery that is going to take me out of hiding.
Am I struggling? Somedays, Am I working the rules? Most days. Am I exercising? Most of the time
Right now, I have lost 46.5 lbs. I am extremely happy about this. I have been stuck and it has been frustrating to say the least. I have banned myself from weighing and am sticking to the rules. I have been reading the forums and post of those that have more miles on this journey and they keep me from getting "too frustrated".
What have I learned so far? patience is the key. Keep with the program, keep your eyes forward and stay on the path.
0 comments
I have been hiding in plain sight. At least that is what I have always felt like being extremely overweight. It's the place where no one looks you in the eye, a place where your bosses dismiss you with a glance, a place where you are always comparing yourself with others around you, especially the thinner people. I have been in a place that I was convinced by the actions of others to start to doubt my own self worth, doubt that I had a right to be apart of this world. It was a place that almost, almost had me conviced that I must accept the scraps of life with never being allowed to enjoy the bounty. But still...... there was always a spark, a voice, something, something inside of me that would fight the perception I had of myself, that would fight the perception of what others had with me.
It was this spark that kept me trying to get healther, trying to get a hold of the demons that caused me to eat for every other reason under the sun than true hunger. I finally realize that this spark is my passion, my passion for life. It was always there, it was just buried. Buried under the layers of fat and layers of self hatred, self doubt and self destruction.
My passion is getting stronger, louder, not taking no for an answer.
I am just shy of 8 weeks out from surgery. The surgery that is going to take me out of hiding.
Am I struggling? Somedays, Am I working the rules? Most days. Am I exercising? Most of the time
Right now, I have lost 46.5 lbs. I am extremely happy about this. I have been stuck and it has been frustrating to say the least. I have banned myself from weighing and am sticking to the rules. I have been reading the forums and post of those that have more miles on this journey and they keep me from getting "too frustrated".
What have I learned so far? patience is the key. Keep with the program, keep your eyes forward and stay on the path.
