WTH??
My husband definitely had insecurities about me losing weight & leaving him - though he'd never given me reason to! It was a process he had to assimilate, just as our WLS is a process. My husband was supportive of my surgery; my mother was totally against it! Both have become very proud of my success, but each had their own process of change & acceptance. I learned to not lean on those that weren't supportive and let them come around in their own time. I hope your husband snaps into it sooner than later, but if his "whatever" to your appeals for support are not changing, then don't expect him to be your cheerleader for right now - lean on your sisters and have faith that he'll realize you're doing this for prolonging your life together!
First ultra: Stone Mill 50 miler 11/15/14 13:44:38, First Full Marathon: Marine Corps 10/27/13 4:57:11, Half Marathon PR 2:04:43 at Shamrock VA Beach Half-Marathon, 12/2/12 First Half-Marathon 2:32:47, 5K PR Run Under the Lights 5K 27:23 on 11/23/13, 10K PR 52:53 Pike's Peek 10K 4/21/13, (1st timed run) Accumen 8K 51:09 10/14/12.
on 6/26/13 1:09 am
A man is a brave and strong creature who will do anything to support, protect, and defend his chosen woman. One thing that terrifies him and turns him to a mass of trembling fear is a needy woman. Make up your mind that you do not need his support. Get support from your sisters, your friends, from you surgery center's groups, from people on this forum.
While it is wonderful if he comes around and becomes supportive, you can get through this without his help. Never tell him that you don't need his support. Just show him by your attitude and actions that you are a strong and independent person. Let him watch you becoming happier, thinner, healthier, stronger and full of confidence and energy, That will take the pressure off of him and he will then be free to make the choices that he really wants to make, but is too afraid to do.
This may be something that both of you might want to talk to a counselor about. You know that your love is strong, but he may not REALLY know that.
Good luck!
Martha
High 250/Consult Weight 245/Surgery 205/Now 109
Height 5'4.5" BMI 18.4
In maintenance since June 2009
I don't know what's normal for him. Is it normal for him to offer you no support? Is it normal for him to not want you to receive medical treatment that you and your doctors agree is necessary?
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
I had lap band in 08 it took me forever to convince him to support me..it failed now im having rny HE is like your husband..he is very againist me haivng this surgery..he said too much can go wrong..we have been married 19 yrs have 4 kids...i think he is afraid of losing me and having to raise the kids alone...I keep telling him he doesnt know what its like to be me...how i feel and how i hurt all over...etc etc..he has never been a pound overweight in his life...or been really sick so u just doesnt understand how the weight is affecting me...ill be praying for you i know how hard this is for you ((HUGGSS))
Gwen
Your husband and the other writer's husband will come around. I also had a lap band which failed (or I failed it). My husband was concerned about the surgery and probably won't admit it but also feared it was one more thing that wouldn't work. My surgeon warned me that I might only lose 50% of my excess weight (which I've passed in six months) but I went ahead with it anyway. I am so glad I did and so is my husband. We are closer than ever, can do more things, can get physically closer (if you know what I mean) and I think he's finally proud to be seen with me. I'm just a little under 200 pounds, still have a ways to go but am very happy I did this.
Linda
I posted something similar to your post. You may go back and read the replies there as well. I had RNY on 6/10/13. My husband is still not supportive. He tells me that it's my business not his. As a matter of fact, we went to a movie this weekend with out girls, and he asked me if i wanted any candy or popcorn. He always asks what I want for dinner or if he can pick something up for me. Whatever!! I, like you, have a family member who also had RNY and a lot of my support comes from her. My two girls, 18 and 15, are also very supportive. He may not come around. Mine didn't and he won't. It's so sad and leaves you with an ugly, lonely feeling...but you can do it! Remember, this is for YOU....NOT HIM!
Let your smile change the world, but don't let the world change your smile.
Lack of support from a spouse is a serious indication of a crack in the relationship, in my opinion. No matter what, if you truly love your partner, you support them. You may not agree with them, but you support them. Support should not be conditional upon approval.
If he is scared that you will leave when you are thinner, then there are already reasons the relationship may not be working-he just thinks you'll get the "guts" to end it when you are thinner. (and many have.......divorce after WLS is well documented)
A previous poster suggested you should take care of finding the support you need from others......let him see your independence and that you can stand on your own two feet. If you believe you are doing the best thing for your well being, then let NO ONE stand in the way of your goal. YOU have to be your number one advocate!!
I wish you the best on your journey.
" I need him more than anything right now!"
I beg to differ... more than anything right now you need YOU! this is YOUR journey ... YOUR walk... YOUR life ... while having support of spouse and others is a great bonus be prepared to go solo my beautiful sista ... some people will come around like your husband may and others will not ... at the end of the day YOU HAVE YOU and this is your walk ...
I share this with you as it has applied to me...
RNY 2/5/07 no regain having implemented lifestyle changes....
