it's time

Nov 28, 2010

Well, tomorrow is the big day.  I have to be at the hospital at 6:30am.  I've endured two days of clear liquids, along with a lovely dose of mag citrate   I am elated and terrified all at the same time.  I have been really okay with this through the entire process, but last night when I was putting my boys to bed, I was telling them that on Monday I would be going to the hospital for surgery, and that I would be sleeping there for a couple of days.  Everything was fine, they had a couple of questions...and then my youngest one looked up at me with his big green eyes, filled with tears, and said "Mama, I'm very very very nervous"  at this point, my oldest chimed in with "Mama, sometimes people die during surgery"  Well, when it comes from a five year old and an eight year old, it really puts it into perspective.  Yeah, this is dangerous.  There is a slim chance that something will go wrong.  Am I being selfish for doing this?  I keep telling myself I'm doing it so I will be around when those sweet boys get married, and have babies of their own.....but what if I'm doing it because I want to look better in a pair of jeans. 
I have every faith in my surgeon, and all of my pre op testing has come back great...I'm just worried.  I guess it's normal to contemplate your mortality when you are going in for an operation....but I'm not usually so normal. 
Anyway, I feel better, at least a bit, putting it out there in the universe.  So, if you read this, I'm asking that you say a prayer, not only for me, but for my babies, (and hubby too) who are as nervous as can be.  Thanks.

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