So I told DH

Aug 10, 2012

Drove DH to the eye doctor this morning and I saw a city bus with a big advertisement on the back of it for a WL clinic in the area. I've been trying to figure out how to bring up the idea of WLS with him since I got really serious about this about 2 weeks ago. It's been nearly constantly on my mind - should i do this? am i failing if i do this? what will people say if i do this? when can I do this? - and I know I've been distracted from all this pondering. We've got a lot going on now so my distraction could be one of several things I'm sure but I know it's been (1) the delay in finalization of our daughter's adoption and (2) the decision for WLS. Well, thank you CTA because as we were sitting at the traffic light, there was a big (not neon) sign in my face. And it gave me the push to just 'casually' put it out there, "Babe. That reminds me (pointing). I've been thinking a lot more about WLS lately and I think I'm going to go to one of those informational sessions they have soon. I'm also going to talk to my doctor about it." Hearts beating, hearts pounding, waiting to hear his reaction. Wait for it... wait for it. "OK." That was the sum total of the reaction I got. LOL. Creating drama much E? You know it.

But later, after his eye doc appointment when I picked him up, I had the baby with me because all the ladies in the office like to oooh and aahhh over our sweet little girl and they were mad at me for not bringing her when I dropped him off for the 2 hour appointment - hey she was sleeping. In any event, our favorite tech there Karen said (to DH) "you need to be getting yourself in shape so you can run after this little one." I thought it was SUCH a weird comment. I mean, DH is heavy but it was weird for Karen to be bringing this up. I put it in the back of my mind and moved on.

DH is always tired after his appointment - he has a chronic eye problem that requires treatment every 8 weeks or so - so I was surprised when he was still awake when I came downstairs for lunch. He had a far away look in his eyes, arguably from his treatment, but I gave him the ol' penny for your thoughts line. And he said, "I'm trying to figure out why the orange juice is on the table." "I plan on having a small glass after I finish my water." "Oh. Cool. I'm also thinking about the back of that bus." HEY, he was paying attention after all! "Yep. So what are you thinking about it?" "I'm thinking about DD." "Yes, she's a driving force behind me thinking about it so much. I just want to know I can be there for her and to be the healthiest me I can be for her." "Yeah." "So do you want to go with me when I go to a session?" LONG pause. "That, or you could go and tell me about it and what I need to know." Typical. "Sure, I could do that." (Conversation continued but no need to continue to recount to you all. Or even just to me.)

This whole thought proved out something that I had pondered in my brain meanderings these last few weeks. Here's what I've been imagining our path to be: That I would lead the way on this, that DH would learn from me, and maybe with my change in eating habits he would find himself on the losing side of the scale for a change. And if he was still thinking about surgery after seeing my results (assuming there are results to be had) he would know what to expect after the surgery, understand the commitment that it would take, and would be better prepared for success. Looks like DH is falling in line with my expectations, at least now. But the fact that he had a convo about it with Karen (I think) and then with me several hours later means at least he's thinking about making some changes that could include surgery.

And yet I'm still trying to figure out what the next step in this journey is, and where it will end up. There's always so much buzzing around my brain. Bzzzz bzzzzzzz

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