10 weeks out

Apr 27, 2010

Hi everyone,
Today I am 10 weeks out and have lost 37 lbs.(by my scale at home. I think at the doctors office we have different numbers going on). I saw my surgeon last night at work, as he was on Trauma call and we were super busy. We chatted for a minute (I don't want him to think I am using him as a quick office visit while we are both working) and he asked how much weight I have lost and when exactly was the surgery. He said I was doing well and was losing weight at a really good pace. Not too much too soon. I have to get my first lab work done this week and I see him again next Monday. I feel good about where I am at right now. People are really starting to notice the difference and am getting alot of compliments, which I don't take offense to. I am enjoying being noticed for something other than being the loud fat girl. That's ok. I think I have my head wrapped around the lifestyle change, using food as survival and not a crutch. I have had alot of days where I am really hungry and just can't eat. Nothing tastes good and is satisfying. I hope this is a phase. I know I HAVE to eat. Fruit stays down ok. Food feels like it is getting stuck again. and that makes me feel sick. Than my appetite is gone. I have to start drinking more protein shakes again. But everytime I do that I also feel sick. I guess when I see the surgeon on MOnday we can discuss. Maybe I should call the nutritionist too.
Anyway, I have almost no clothes that fit. All my skinny clothes that I kept for some bizarre reason are all too big, I have one pair of shorts that soon will be too big, a few pairs of pants. All my sweatpants and sweatshirts that I used to hide in are all too big. My scrubs are getting too big with each and every day. I am 9 lbs away from Onederland. I haven't been under 200lbs in over 20 years. The last time I was under 200lbs was back in 1990 when I was deathly ill with the measles. When I finally got out of the hospital and was n the mend, I remember weighing 189. But the things I notice now is that my skin isn't as young as it used to be. I know I need to exercise more and get this skin to tighten up, but I HATE to exercise, so it has been a struggle. I will get there in my own time. The skin isn't anything that I would need plastic surgery for, just working out and lifting weights, but all the same, it's exercise. Ugh. I am fortunate that I work with physicians and nurses because if I have a problem or need advice, everyone has been so helpful in discussing the surgery with me. People were hesitanas first, like I just found out I had a terminal illness or something. But I think once people know that I don't have a problem talking about the surgery, it makes them feel more at ease. Also, alot of my coworkers have lost weight as well, so it's almost as if we are all in this together. I work with a group who are all fairly health conscious, so the enviroment that I am in is a positive one. My husband is on board, going to the gym every day, trying out different nutritional guidelines, as he was very frustrated at one point because his hard work was not reflecting on the scale. Put him in a very bad mood for a few days and I felt guilty for my loss and couldn't talk to him about it. BUt he got out of that funk and is trying the Zone diet and is determined to get fit by his 50th birthday in August. We have even changed the way my daughter eats. We don't really have carbs in our house. She eats whole grain bread, whole wheat pasta if she wants pasta, which is rare now. She eats my fish, lean chicken, lots of fruit and is starting to eat more veggies. I am very happy for the way things have changed in my household. My husband and I were on our way to all sorts of health problems, and my daughter was already pre-disposed to obesity by way of genetics. She is 4 1/2, almost 4 feet tall and weighs almost 60 lbs. She is not obese of fat by any means, but she tall and solid. And if we kept going the way we were with her, she was most surely on her way to becoming obese, and I don't want that for her. I dont' want her to go through what I went through my entire life. Kids can be so cruel, and that can really mold and shape a person into who they will become.
Anyway, just wanted to jot down a few things, since I haven't blogged in awhile. I am now trying to learn and study how our body works and how it processed and breaks down different foods, and it's a process for sure. I don't want to fail at this, and I want to be healthy for as long as I am alive.

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