Amalia S.
I'm an emotional mess
Feb 10, 2010
Perhaps I'm more irritable lately. OK, I AM more irritable lately. And how can I NOT be? The area around my drainage tube hurts like the dickens, I get moments where hunger is overpowering (though not as often as before, thankfully), I feel very weak and faint at times so that I can hardly get out of bed and my MS symptoms are getting worse without the meds I took pre-op. I do sneak in a Neurotin once in a while, then feel guilty about it, but what can I do? The combo of the sore tube area plus the infamous "MS-hug" is unbearable.Anyway, I was talking about irritability. Everything seems to me to be moving in slow-motion while I play the waiting game. I want this phase to be over with already. I want to start eating like a grown human again, instead of a baby with no teeth. I want to get out of this house and see the outside world, even if it's just for a moment. My husband's procrastination and my brother's dependence on me are getting on my nerves. Yet, it's how they always were. They haven't changed, I have. My meddling mother-in-law was always meddling. My despotic brother in law was always despotic. My "couldn't care less" sister, always couldn't care less. I had learned to live with these people (mostly by avoiding them) for years now. So why am I no longer able to overlook their flaws and go on with my life?
One part of the answer lies with my own increased dependency these weeks after the surgery. I feel more vulnerable and I take to heart every snyde remark. I know most of them blame me for spending a large amount of money (for us) on what they consider an unnecessary surgery and no amount of explaining or rationalizing on my part gets through to them.
I'm angry at my husband for always giving a detailed report of our life to his family, thus giving them the right to express opinions and interfere.
I'm upset at the total lack of support from my sister. Most of all, I am angry at myself for having let myself get into this position in the first place. And I'm angry that I'm dependent on these kind of people.
I wish to be independent, as I was a decade ago, when people leaned on me and I had no need to lean on anyone. I know that the dependency due to the WLS is temporary. I can take that. But the dependency due to the MS is permanent and only getting worse.
I'm surpised of this anger I feel. Perhaps I've always felt it but I did not express it. Lately, I feel it's choking me. I've read how fat traps hormones that are released as the fat is burning up with the weight loss, but this was an unexpected side-effect.
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About Me
Athens,
Location
29.0
BMI
Surgery
01/26/2010
Surgery Date
Dec 13, 2009
Member Since
