OK, so I'm feeling a little nuts these days.  One day I feel like I can finally lose all this excess weight and keep it off, the next I'm so sad & critical of myself that I can barely keep myself away from the refrigerator.  The only thing that really has been keeping me going has been the support of some really good friends here on OH.  It's amazing to me that people I've never met before can make me feel better about my decision and myself than people that I have known my whole life.  And while I do get support from my family and friends, they truly have no idea of the struggles we have every day.  My OH family and friends really get it because they've gone through the same crap I have and are going through the same issues now.

I know stress & TOM are partly to blame.  We're getting ready to move my son into college in 2 weeks and I'm going through separation anxiety and a loss of control feeling that is putting me into a panic.  I'm going to miss him so much and he's only moving into the next state!  I'm trying not to make him nervous and I don't think I've been successful.  My husband doesn't get it, he thinks I need to cut the apron strings...AS****E!  I don't think men understand the mother/child bond.

I'm trying to count my blessings and that's also helping me get through.  I don't need to stuff all my feelings and numb them with food.  I can come here and post how I'm feeling and know that there are people who understand and care.   I don't have to go through this journey alone and I need to keep focusing on staying strong and visualizing my success.  Because I will get there eventually!

Thank you my friends for being there, listening and caring.

June 28, 2008
So I'm feeling like a spoiled brat right now...I've lost 10 pounds since surgery, plus another 17 pre-op.  I feel like I should have lost more, and I have previously when I was "dieting".  I know that I'm right on target, 2.5 pounds per week, etc., but my obvious compulsive personality says it should be more!!!!!

I'm going in for my second fill next week so I'm hoping to get closer to my sweet spot.  I can't really eat a lot at one time, the one time i went back for seconds, I slimed (YUK!!) and felt sick for 2 days, so that won't happen again.  I think I do have some restriction and I'm following bandster rules... eating slowly, chewing thoroughly, pausing between bites, not drinking with meals, eating protein first, no sugar, minimal white carbs...did I miss anything?  I'm not exercising and I know that's part of it and I'm also having trouble drinking enough water.  I used to drink almost 100oz of water/liquids before surgery but now I can't get even half of that down.

I'm trying to stay positive and this board has been a Godsen, the support and inspiration is getting me through, and the friends I"ve made are wonderful.  I don't feel sleepy throughout the day and hubby said I don't snore as much and look like I lost a ton of weight so that's also keeping me motivated.

I'll post next week after my second fill, maybe I'll have new pics that will show a difference.

May 31, 2008

Hooray, I'm banded!  Got home from the hospital this morning, I had to stay overnight because of my sleep apnea.  I'm feeling ok, just a little sore at the incision site, and of course, the dreaded gas pain!

I had to be on full liquids for 2 weeks prior to surgery and I lost 18 pounds!  Of course I came home and weighed myself first thing and gained 4 back from all the IV fluids.  That will come off in a day or so.  I'm allowed full liquids again now for the next 10 days but I have no appetite so I'm drinking my protein water very slowly and crushing my percoset in hot tea.

Keep you all posted on my progress!