NSV and trying to mentally SEE it

Aug 18, 2011

My wieght loss has been pretty slow in my opinion. I am 5'7 and currently 168lbs. Ever since I came out of the 180s I have dropped sizes like crazy. Before I had surgery I would have said being a size 8 would be AWESOME, UNBELIEVABLE!! Last week I went home to see my family for my Nana's bday. While my sister was out I snuck into her room and tried on a pair of her pants. Now, I see my sisters as TINY. One is 5'4 and maybe 110lbs.. the other is closer to my height 5'6 and probably around 130ish lbs (totally guessing). I snuck in and found a pair of her size 4 jeans and thought well I'll see if I can wriggle into these.. and they FIT!!! Now I had just bought a couple pairs of size 6 so I was not going to go out and buy new jeans, when the 6s were just fine. Yesterday I couldnt help myself. I wanted to see if I could find a pair of 4s that fit and looked nice. So after work off to the store I went. I grabbed a pair of 4s and just for fun (and because they were on clearance) I grabbed a size 2 as well. Well I skipped the 4s and bought the 2s!! I was so excited. I have NEVER in my entire life been a 2... unless you count a 2T maybe. And I probably skipped that too.

So here is the dillema. When i was bigger I didnt see myself as looking bad or even big. My mom would say when she was younger she would look in the mirror and think she was so fat, when she was maybe 100 lbs soaking wet in her 20s. I did NOT have that. I had the opposite. I looked in the mirror and thought on most days I looked pretty good. I did not see the almost 255 lbs in the mirror. So now that I am down to 168, why do I look in the mirror and see some one sooo large??? I look at my sisters who wear a size 2-4 and they are so incredibly thin to me.. and while one sisters body type is seriously different the other's is close to mine. So why cant I see in myself what I see in her? I am not sure if my brain is not up to the point of seeing it.. or maybe I really just am not as thin as I would think I would be at a size 2. Maybe I should take more pictures so I can see the difference. Because I seriously do not see it in the mirror.. even if I have gone from a size 18-20 to a size 2.

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