The start of a journey

Jan 28, 2010

 Starting any journey is hard. Only this time instead of packing, I have a lot of unpacking to do lol. I really think I am ready for this. I wish I had had this option 10-15 yrs ago. I don't know if all people like me (us) find that one moment in time where we decided I HAVE TO HAVE SURGERY. Or if it is just me. I mean I have thought about it many times. Wished for it, contemplated it, made inquiries and even went to seminars. But I had this one moment when I broke my leg and was trying to crawl back in the house when I found out that crawling through the dirt with you leg flopping around behind you is hard enough with out being 100 pounds over weight.
 Just saying that, admiting it to myself. I am One Hundred Pounds Over Weight. It is a hard thing to admit. Makes me want to run to Mexico to get the surgery right now.
 I used to be thin. I did some modeling during high school and college. I was not beautiful, but makeup, camera and the right lights can perform miracles! I had tons of energy back then. I know a lot of it was youth, but right now I have no energy. I have my horses, my motorcycles, I have my kids, I just don't do all I should. Or all I would like to. I need to lose the weight so I can get off my butt and get more active.
 Using crutches is hard too when you are fat. Makes my under arms, hands and wrists hurt like crazy. Now I am using a cane it is not too bad.
 I worry about loose skin. I worry about my 38DD's turning into 36 longs. I worry about bat wings and my flat butt disappearing altogether. I worry about losing my strength.
 I have decided I am going to go with the Gastric sleeve. I have been doing a lot of research on the subect. I think, for me, this is the right choice. I applaud anyone making any choice. It is hard to decide or know what surgery is the best option. I had originally chosen the band, but after all I have read and researched, I have changed my mind. I have a medical background so have been reading medical journals, clinical study reports, trials and the like. I also am self pay so not having the added expense of having to go back and pay for fills and such is financially a good plan for me. I have also had friends who have had bands who have had trouble with slippage and erosion. If i did not have the money, how would I get things like that fixed?
 My horse is a good enough reason to get surgery. I feel sorry for him having to haul my fat butt up and down hills and across the desert. ( I live in Arizona) He doesn't seem to mind at all, loves to go for rides, and never seems to get tired. But all the same I am sure he would be pleased lol.
 My youngest son is another one of my reasons. He is 13 now, he doesn't see me as fat, but I am sure his friends do. My son thinks I am the greatest ever, but I am sure that will change. I also have a 22 yr old son and an 18 yr old daughter. We are all pretty close. They call me all the time. I like that they ask my opinion on things. I would like to be healthy for my grandkids if I should ever have them. I would like to be healthy enough to see my youngest graduate college.
 My old man thinks I am beautiful but says if I want this then go for it. He is a rock. Hopefully he doesn't turn into quicksand through this journey as I have seen other men do when their women start losing weight.
 Anyway I have blathered enough for now. I plan to try to post something every week until my journey has reached its end.

Wish me luck and tGood luck to you on your journeys.
 

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