September 12, 2011

Sep 12, 2011

Well, it's been an intersting time. I can't seen to stick to any kind of diet/good eating habit. I am really hooked on sugar again, and can't seem to kick it. I have gained almost 50 pounds back over the last  2  years, and don't know what to do with myself.

I finally got off my antidepressant, hoping this will help me get some control back over my eating habits, and care about what I am doing to my self.

I have been thinking for the last year-2 that I should have gone with the RNY like my Dr. wanted me to,  but was too afraid to do that one. Boy, was I stupid. I should have just went with his recommendation. Now, I don't know if I can get a revision surgery or not. I have been having problems with throwing up, things getting stuck in my band, etc, and can't seem to eat the way they wanted me to eat after surgery. Right now I don't have the insurance that would cover the surgery, and am debating on trying to get added onto my husbands for next year and pursue it. If nothing else, maybe just to get the band adjusted? I don't know. Will have to find out if they have restrictions on if there is a 1-time wls lifetime clause that I am seeing other people post about.

I have a lot of excuses and can blame a lot of circumstances on my behaviour eating, but I alone have to shoulder the responsibility, which I am totally aware of. I am just not happy with the band at all, and really want it out. Everytime I try and eat the way they want me to, things get stuck, pills don't go down, and I am throwing up all the time. NO FUN... Then, I revert to the easy things to go down that they don't want me to eat. Hence, a lot of weight gain.

I am also trying to get more active again, so hopefully I can start dropping some pounds through physical activity.

I wish that I really had someone to keep me on track - but, it's really on me. So, wish me luck...

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