MS5 appointment

May 19, 2010

Today was one of those days when I just wanted to crawl back into bed and never get out again.  I had my 2yr old Leo with me.  First we took the dog to the vet ($450 yikes).  The dog behaved better than my son.  Then I was supposed to have my crown fixed, but my friend flaked on me and didn't even bother to call and say she couldn't watch Leo for me.  I could have made other arrangements, so there went that appointment.  It is now rescheduled for 2 weeks from today.  So I went into the office to create 1 invoice and ended up staying for an hour (with my cranky 2yr old).  Then it was nap time which only lasted an hour.  Then off to my appointment with the weightloss center.  Ofcourse in trying to remember my new insurance information I forgot my food journal.  I had to weigh in and of course it is the first day of my period and you know I was retaining extra water weight, so even though up through this past weekend I had lost 5lbs, it only showed 1 on the scale (which sucks).  Lynn was very nice and also excited that I had changed my insurance.  I should be able to have my surgery in July!!!  I can't wait!  That will give me a few month to really lose some weight before Christmas.  I so want to not be embarassed to take pictures with Leo.  I want to lose the weight before he is old enough to remember his 6ft, 350lb mom that was always too tired to play.  I also had my appointment at church, I'm going through the membership process.  Leo needs a good church to grow up in and I believe God has shown me where we should be.  It just feels right for the first time in a very long time.  I'm nervous about what it will be like not to want to hide myself. 

I'm smart, but people assume that I'm an idiot because of my size and some of the situations I have been in.  I'm not stupid, I've just been beated down so hard for so long that my perspectives are not the same as others.  I always feel like I have to prove something to everyone and really most people are just not worth it in the end.  I'm tired and cranky, but I cant sleep.  I started the phenterimine today and it has me jittery. 

This is my year and I just have to tay focussed. 
Graduation
Divorce
Surgery
CPA exam
Church memebership

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