cathey9338
Who am I, really?
Aug 22, 2012
While training for my first 5k, I got a phone call on August 11th that put the next ten days into a spin. Someone special had died and I had to pack my family up and catch the next flight out of town.
Forget being able to train while we were gone. Nights with family and friends lasted until 11pm and days were spent managing kiddos and mapping out the next steps for that evening and trying to recover from the previous evening.
We got back into town late Monday night. I wasn’t expecting much on the scales after a week of:
1) “trying” to make good choices
2) living in the “real” world without the safety of my own kitchen and the time to work out meals on my own schedule,
3) working on getting my water in and
4) being thankful for all the walking I was doing even if it wasn’t focused one mile at a time
Sure enough yesterday morning when I weighed… I’d “only” lost four pounds in the eight days since I left town. Bummer. Nuts… Honestly I was disappointed but not surprised.
I hadn’t written anything down while I was gone. I hadn’t done any focused exercise. I’d eaten many things that were once my “frienemies”:
· I had a couple of bites of a coney.
· I’d eaten Schlotzsky’s sandwich (VERY little bread, mostly eaten only the meat and fixings inside).
· I tried a couple of nibbles of a doughnut… THREE days in a row! (every time making me very sick)
· My rings – that I’d been contemplating getting sized down – were once again tight.
So discouraging. Is this just who I am? I’d had a FABULOUS “diet” cherry limeade, only to find out after three attempts to recreate it that it hadn’t been diet at all. (Oh no –why didn’t the sugar make me sick?!?) Am I going to be one of “those” who lose weight only to gain it all back? Why can’t I do things right?!? I kept thinking "Thank goodness I haven't told many people about the surgery - it will limit the embarassment when I fail."
Yesterday was the first time I’d decided I was ready for Chipotle. I didn’t care how much it cost and how little of it I was going to eat. I NEEDED something to comfort me – the failure of who I so desperately want to be.
Yet on the way to Chipotle something switched… (I think it was my best friend JC whispering in my ear)… I am in charge of who I am going to be. This is a journey. I didn’t develop bad habits overnight and silly me for (once again) thinking I was going to develop good habits overnight. This is a journey. Which means there will be a touch of meandering and even some wrong turns along the way. But if I reframe my week it looks something like this:
· Someone I loved very much died and I survived without eating everything in sight.
· I successfully faced my friends and family and possibly risk them finding out about my surgery before I was ready to tell them.
· My daddy brought doughnuts for breakfast three stinkin’ days in a row and yet three days in a row I CHOOSE to have scrambled eggs instead.
· When everyone was drinking wine and eating amazing hors devours, I was enthralled in the conversations – for the first time in AGES (maybe ever).
· I lived each day for THAT day, not worrying about the next day, the next week, or the next anything.
· Without embarrassment, I’d ordered “weird” things that weren’t on the menu because I knew they were the best choices for me.
· I learned that more often than not I WANT the kids menu – no sacrifice or embarrassment required.
To sum it up… I’ve learned I’m still pretty cool and getting pretty cooler every day.
So rather than go to Chipotle, I went to the grocery store and bought a pint of pre-sliced apples, a pint of pre-sliced strawberries, a bag of grapes and a container to put them in. I figured I could justify the splurge since I’d been prepared to spend it anyway on a bad choice!
Yea me!!
OH… one more thing…
I got on the scale again this morning… I lost eight (8) pounds since yesterday morning, which means I’ve lost 12 pounds in the last ten days. Turns out I was retaining a touch of water from the traveling?
Silly me for worrying that I wasn’t developing good habits… silly me…
