My First Set Back

Jun 18, 2010

Well Wend I went for the Psychological profile.  (Two doc all day affair) It didn't go as well as I'd hopped.  In essence I was told I need to slow down on the journey.  I wasn't denied out right but I've been told that I need to go for more evaluation and therapy to address the emotional eating habit that I was brought up with.  

Now I view myself as upbeat, friendly, positive person other than work stress I have very few upsets in my life at this time.  But it is something that I'm aware of and do work on.  I was brought up with food rewards; good grades we went to dinner, had a bad day you got an ice cream sundae, something frustrates you take it out on a box of crunchies instead of talking it over, and then of course all our family get togethers revolve around food.  So I knew that I would have to deal with a loss of a friend and fully intended to seek outside therapy to help deal with sorting threw those emotions as they came up.

I'll be honest with myself I was devastated that day.  I started crying in the office and really didn't stop until my husband came home from work that night.  We just didn't see this coming. When the questions were being asked I specifically asked "do I answer these with my current behaviors or of my old behavior that I've been working on".  I was told my old behaviors.  So I did.  Many of the behaviors I've work extremal hard on changing.  Or have found an Alt outlet to a better behavior. 

And if your wondering I have not once threw this turmoil touch food out of emotions.  Of course to compound everything,  I mentioned that Work is my biggest stress... on Thursday I made the decision to terminate an employee.  Which really sucks in this economy to be in control of someones financial future.  While I feel some guilt (hence the explanation) for it, I have to do what's best for my team. If emotional eating was still a major issue wouldn't I have been eating to salve my soul and make myself feel better?

I felt like they were trying to trip me up on Question as well.  I do realize that I was being tested to find out if I was lying about things that I said but I found it offensive.  My memory is shot has been for a while I also am not good a pop quizzes so I get nervous.  I had to back track as questions bubbled up memories about particular instances and the facial expression I received back were negative.   Ex: I said that I had already attended a WLS support group... I was asked where it was, what part of the hospital, what day of the week, when the next one was, and what time it started.  I had trouble on that last one since I had fouled up the time in my calender and was late. Well the distian was plainly written on that doc face.  Sighhh.. 

And another thing that bothered me was I've told my close friends and relatives that this is what I want to do.  I've gotten support from everyone in varying degrees.  But everyone knows how hard I've struggled and know that I view this as a tool.  What I don't understand is how one friend with a negative reaction to another medical issue entirely could be pertaniate to my journey.  For some reason it was in consequential in the conversation to me but was brought up twice after that by another doc as well.  SHE doesn't like DOCTORS... I have to pester her to get her Annual OB-GYN visits let alone address any maintenance health care.

.Well... that leaves me with trying to follow up and sort threw this mess.  I'm not saying I don't have issues.  I just don't think I'm F'ed Up.  So back I go on Monday for an hour sesssion.  We'll see what happens then,  I may find it extreamly helpful or be extreamly offended.  But I've jsut got to take it one day at a time.  As my husband said "we knew this wasn't going to be easy."
 

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