happy Freakin' B-day to me

Sep 28, 2010

Well today I turned 35 and the past two weeks have sucked in such a magnatude of suck-age that I'm not even sure if I'm coming or going.  First was the Bull from the Insurance company (see my preveious post).  The second bit has to do with my job and division... think economic shifts (booooo).  And now the third is my MOM.

I've had a hard time with my parents and having this surgery.  They we're not supportive of the idea.  My mum has the ballz to ask, this past August, if she got a vote in my surgery.  Now I do realize that they are scared for me.  I realize that this is not an easy subject for them.  I've tryed speaking with them and giving them info.  I even took my mother with me to a support group meeting which at the time I thought went very well.

But last night, the night before my birthday my Mum called and asked if she could come up tospeak w/ me, arriving at  8:15pm.  I live 45min north of her and she never drives at night, so I knew this was big and figure out she was going to try and talk me out of the surgery.

What I didn't anticipate was the amount of guilt that I would get dealt.  Everything from: Your husband won't know how  to take care of you and who is going to do the house work. Are you ready to possibly sH** yourself or vomit uncontrolably. Your sex life will falter.  I'd give my lifes blood for you.  Do you really want your skin hanging off you like drippy wax.  Those people looked unhealthy.  You are my mirical baby why would you do this to yourself.  You haven't been over weight that long.  Your not that over weight (?seriously).  You want to have kids. If I had know this was what you were going to do I would have spent more time convincing you to lose weight.  I shouldn't have ignored you over ( X,Y grandchildren).  Give me six months on Weight Watchers and then (she''ll) pay for it out of her own pocket if the new isurance won't pick it up.  All your health problems can be cured by lossing some weight.  (Yeah that's the point here Mum) God gave me 2 signs that you shouldn't do this (see first paragraph).... blah blah blah. 

I felt horrible guilt and was crying something fierce but nothing that she said had any real impact on my deciesion.  I've done enough research to know this is what I want to continue with.  But knowing my Mum, after last night that telling her again that this is what is happening will send her realing.  I also know that I'm not going to get the support I wanted from her and that in the future any time something happens from getting a common cold to (goddess for give) a miscarraige it will be because of the RNY.

So where does that leave me and my relationship with her.  How do I continue??  I'm an adult, I'm making an adult desicion that is best for me.  But it certainly kills me to see my Mum opening weeping due to fear for my person.  But I'm damned if a guilt trip with no medical backing is a reason to change my mind.  So I'll talk to my Doc and Therapist to see best how to contnue.  Wish me luck.

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