Outdoors

May 07, 2011

 I can't complain about the weather, it is so nice out, the sun feels so good while I'm out walking. Day before yesterday, I walked 4.7 miles, around the neighborhood. Felt really good until the last 1/4 mile, rain clouds came and my sunshine was gone. I made it home b/f the showers, though. lol

Yesterday I worked in doors, equally as much, lots of house cleaning, laundry and that was enough to make me sweat, I have a lot of hard wood floors, and it takes a lot of energy to get them clean. I liked being out doors more, but this too needed to be done. 

Today I am going to Walmart, cheapest place to buy a bicycle. I'm looking for one of them cruiser types, as I am not the type to do mountain bike riding, now or in the future, too rough and I am wayyy too chicken, to off road it, so I will stick w/ my beach cruiser. 

I was having a  lot of discomfort when I ate my jello, appears my opening was still very swollen, and jello, can be a little rigid, even in small... small bites, A lot of swelling has gone down, I can feel it, I can see it. Clothes is fitting looser. I am pretty pleased, so far. I am having to really push myself on the liquids, helps when I walk, I am naturally thirsty. I seem to always have a water or gatorade bottle in hand, which is good. I am on Flinstones Gummy vitamins, have other vit's but will switch over later, possibly. I am almost 2 weeks post op, and had my first Dr. Check up, last Wenesday. I didn't go to my Primary Care Provider, she is being a pill, and is still not on board w/ my surgery, too bad...it's already done. 

I went to the local clinic and saw the Dr. I had been seeing all along, since 2003. He said I am NOW at the weight I weighed in 2007. He encouraged me to keep walking and staying active and hydrating. He checked my incisions and said they all looked great. My blood pressure was a lil high, hopefully that changes in the weeks to come. I am only on a liquid diet still, as my after care plans do not call for yogurt and cottage cheese, mashed potatoes or refried beans till week 4. 

Right now I am on broth, hot or cold tea, gatorade, OJ, water and jello. I am starting my protein drinks this Monday. Yummm, no not really. Since that hunger gland was removed form my body in surgery, it has helped tremendously in not being hungry, but there is still MENTAL hunger. Like when my family sits down to eat, the smell of foods, can be overwhelming sometimes. 

Last night, was very difficult. I wasn't hungry, I had already eaten, what I could yet when my family had their dinner I was somewhat bothered I couldn't eat that. . My daughter ( 20 yr old), in her infinite wisdom, made some sort of comment like, "well your the one who chose this mom, so I guess you just have to suck it up".

That comment hurt, as I was really needing support, when I was at my weakest moment. My husband was NOT OK w/ my daughters comment, and told her that was insensitive. Of course my daughter apologized. She's young, thin, healthy, does not understand the magnitude of my journey. And that is okay, it's not for HER to understand, but when someone is down, you don't kick em. 

Anyway.....

They were eating mexican food, and I was feeling weak. Mind you, I was not hungry, I knew I could NOT eat this, I was NEVER going to eat it, but the mental hunger of it all really got to me. The smell of it, I think I mentioned my sense of smell seems to be on steroids!!!

That was the first time I felt like that and it was really hard to be me. I think I was feeling sorry for myself too and I felt completely vulnerable and fragile. I went to my bed room, locked the door, went inside my bathroom & cried. I'm not embarrassed to share that, b/c this is my journey, the good, the bad and the ugly. 

After a good cry, I felt better, still not hungry (of course) but able to get through the night. Today, it's as if I didn't even have my lil mental break down. I am looking fwd to my bike purchase and afternoon stroll. 

I just want to say, I am a VERY honest person, that's just HOW I am, so if your going to knock me for my vulnerability don't even comment. I know I chose this surgery & I am happy with it, but.....I am only human, I am not perfect and neither are you, so don't judge. I'm only 2 wks out, doing the best I can on a clear liquid diet.  It's tough. It does not hurt to take in my liquids. I am able to drink just fine. 

I know some who are not on clear liquids anymore and have been given the "green light" to move on to the next stage, my plan is very different. But I know I will get there in time. Take care & have a fabulous weekend!!!

I'm down 14lbs. 


Mellissa

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