The first appointment

Jul 09, 2014

I have been toying with this weight loss surgery in my head for a couple of years. I know three people who have had one form or another, and after bouncing around the scale enough, I decided I am going to do this. This site has been amazing in helping sort through why I would make this decision and what having wls is really all about.

I eat emotionally. I eat to calm myself. Much of the time, I do just fine; eat pretty darn healthful as well. Then, without putting a lick of thought into what I am doing, my serving size turns into a bowl or plate for +2. Maybe even 3. Maybe a cake becomes a three day event, making up every meal. Maybe my husband's last remark or extra beer scoots me back into the kitchen... you know the feeling. 

And I think, man, I can lick this. I can lose the weight. I only have to lose... oh, shit. 150 pounds. How the hell am I going to ever get to a place without help that I can do that. And keep it off. Ah yes, cheat and have bariatric. 

So I change the dialogue in my head and start asking questions. What is the real purpose of wls? Why do it? Why is it so successful? Why are long term studies so great? How does it fix things short term and then long term? And last but not least, WHY IS THIS SO FREAKING TABOO????

My answers are brief; I need help. I need lots of it. I can't do it alone. I need a way to assist in making long term weight management possible. Maybe not such a terrible yoyo. 

So I stopped viewing wls as the devil in the closet, and researched the hell out of it. Here I am, hopefully three months away from surgery, ready to put on a good fight. Practicing those goals set from the first visit; chew. A lot., measure food, stick to the 1/2 cup several times a day. Not several half cups in one sitting, move my body a few times a week, eat protein every time. Water water water...You know the drill. 

I have zero familial support. (This is a baaaaddddd choice! My parents and other family members say) My husband, who I separated from nine months ago and admittedly says he has zero attraction to me because of my weight, refuses to talk about it. So with my close friends and daughters, I enter this journey. I want to bend over and tie my shoes without passing out. I want to wipe my behind without feeling like a contortionist. I want to peddle my bike with the toddler on board without feeling like I might have a coronary. I  want to sleep without waking up with a killer headache because I stopped breathing for so long. I want to be free from the prison of obesity.

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