I'm obese!! (and recent struggles)

Dec 03, 2009

I am so excited! I am obese now, not extremely obese!!!

With that said I have been seriously struggling with myself lately. I have been talking myself into believing I am already failing at this, on top of that I have been obsessing about not having the option of the DS. It's funny though someone said that I should be thankful for the tool that I have because some will never get the chance to get it. That really put things back into perspective for me. I really should just be happy that I was blessed with the RNY and be happy with the surgery I had. I think all the doubters that say discouraging things are taking a toll on me and I had decided that there was no way the RNY was working or going to work for me and I am barely a month out.
The people at work are like a cancer that eat away at me and my confidence. Someone made a comment that they'd never seen someone who had my surgery eat like I do. I was eating soup with crackers!! That just really hit it home that everyone is watching me. Someone else even said they were going to be "looking me up and down" every day to see how I'm doing. I don't want to be on display. I wish no one knew I did this. So many people looking at me expecting me to show up in a size 4, it is so much pressure. And there is so much pressure to be ok, and not show when I am not feeling well, because I get the I told you so's when I'm not feeling well. I am only a month out and I haven't felt well a lot which I understand is normal! 
It isn't helping that I am bipolar(do not judge me please) and I am having a horrible time getting all my meds in. I am trying to get on a schedule with all my meds to get back on track but it is going to be tough going from not taking them hardly at all to taking them all regularly! I'm worried about all the side effects.  I just feel like I am taking so many pills and I am not even taking my supplements yet! I do know that I have to add a laxative to my daily pill regimen, that should help me feel better quickly .....lol!!

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