denyse51204
No new resolutions
Dec 28, 2013
This morning - December 28, 2013, a friend who recently underwent a sleeve-gastrectomy asked me what my New Year's Resolution would be. I said, I don't have one. I don't make them. New Year's resolutions are made to be broken. I've proven that to myself with the diet roller-coaster I spent 32 years of my life on. Every New Year's I started over with either a new diet or a new exercise routine, convinced I'd do better "this year," and by January 15th, I'd failed or if I even made it that far I had convinced myself I'd fail by the end of the month.
No - I've given up resolutions for the one-day-at-a-time approach to things. This day, and just this day, I'm following my food plan. I'm working toward staying in the moment. I'm walking trepidatiously toward the end of my 9th year post-op with a 102 pound weight loss, and a lot of gratitude. I say trepidatiously because there are still those occasional fears lurking in front of me. Over the past few years, I let the fear of my weight loss get me into some trouble, and regained about 30 pounds. I also found that alcohol deadened the fear. I found my way back onto the diet roller-coaster even after I had the surgery because my old way of thinking told me that I hadn't "done it right."
I'm so grateful that the center where I had my surgery has a program called "Back on Track," and I didn't need to make a resolution, only an appointment. I got back on track, lost most of that 30 pounds, and retrained my pouch to eat those smaller portions again. I also got involved in a program of recovery for the alcohol problem. More gratitude. Four years of sobriety, and recovery, today I'm also eating the way my pouch needs to be fed, and the rest of those pounds are gone. I'm finally, finally below my goal. I like the way I feel and grateful I don't need to wait until January 1 to start all over again. What a feeling it is to know that I can pick myself up any time of the day, dust myself off, and start over right now. Nine and a half years ago, I started a journey toward a new life. The journey is far from over, and the hills and valleys I have yet to climb take me places I didn't think I'd ever go, but at least these hills and valleys are an adventure worth living. The roller-coaster ride of all that dieting was nauseating to say the least.
No new resolutions this year - except perhaps one. In the New Year, maybe I'll resolve again to pass on the gift that was so freely given to me. This gift of new life. My friend who had the sleeve gastrectomy keeps asking me why I drive her to appointments and why I share my story with her. She doesn't know how much she gives me back in the process. What a gift watching her grow in her new life, too.