Steadly Losing Ground

Oct 26, 2011

16 months since I last posted, almost 3 years since my VSG surgery, and I am back over 300lbs (305.8 this morning). Up 47lbs since my lowest weight of of 258lb in August of 2010. Still down 125lbs for which I am so very grateful but I am scared!

No job, house in foreclosure, issues with spinal stenosis and over depression are kicking my butt. This site was such a God send to me prior to my surgery, gave me hope and courage to forge this new relationship with food. Yet my relationship hasn't changed and it is going to kill me if I don't find like minded warriors to stand with me.

I know that the majority of people don't get to be super morbidly obese without having an eating disorder. I look to food for emotional release - release from loneliness, sadness, boredom, any feeling really because I find them all uncomfortable. I know that there is a better place to put all my incompatibility, in the hands of my Lord and Savior Jesus, yet because I have to eat at several points everyday I am constantly on shifting sand where my faith and reliance in Jesus is concerned.

To chose foods that are nourishment to this temple He has entrusted to me and to indulge in foods that stuff and push away emotional, life's incompatibility, is the battle I engage in everyday. Lately the world that I currently live in is full of hardship, pain and anxiety - sooooooooooo hate to feel these feelings. So I cover up my discomfort for the outside world with a smile and try to tell myself "God is in control" but then whenever I am tempted with those indulgences that have served as nothing but pain producers in my life - I chose PAIN!

What is wrong with me?

If you can identify, if you too are in this battle email me. I'm recruiting for the Lord's Army against the devils twisted calling to a poisonous relationship with food.

In His love & service,
Eileen

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