fredrije
Am I getting ahead of myself..
Dec 22, 2009
So... I am probably the most nervous I have ever been. Take your first day of high school and multiply that times a million. I wonder if I am going too fast to get this all started. I wonder if I am up for it. But what I worry the most about is whether or not I will be approved for the surgery. C'mon, we all know I am fat and need to lose weight, I have tried to lose it in the past and have gained it back (and then some).. It's just disheartening to be telling others that I am GOING TO get the surgery, when I don't even have a date.. Of course, I told my 3 best friends and my family...and now everyone at work and everything knows about it..this person told that person who mentioned it to her and so on... I even told all of them not to mention it to ANYONE...grrr. I just don't want everyone to hear that I was all talking about getting it done, but didn't end up being approved. I KNOW that I am probably just being a little paranoid, and that even if I did not get approved that I WILL continue to push forward and do whatever it takes to get the surgery.So, Cory finally told me how he really felt about the procedure, not really about me getting it, but just the procedure in general. He said he feels it is the easy way out and an act against what God has made for you.. The funny thing is, he is not a religious guy..I mean, we've been dating for nearly 4 years and have only gone to church for weddings and funerals... He said about me getting it that it will probably save him in the long run. I know he feels this way, he is more of a worry-wart than I am.. He knows I need the surgery, but worries that there will be complications, that I will get skinny and not want him anymore, that I will get skinny and he will get jealous of me... so many thoughts are going through his head and he is trying so hard to be positive about it, but it is next to impossible. I have given him some info to read about it. I know he will support any decision I make, which is what I love about him! He is the best thing that has EVER happened to me and it would drive me crazy to not be with him forever. I just know we will get married someday, when money is easier, we will have children and live the rest of our lives together. I have no doubt about our relationship, I just want him to not worry so much about me getting the surgery done...
Also, I have sent 2 messages to a friend of mine who is in Korea for the air force and she hasn't replied..but I know she has received and opened them.. I even asked her to reply to one of them.. What is going on with people not supporting me?! Maybe its just me not supporting myself...GAH!
So, I am praying for approval from insurance to confirm that, Yes I am obese and surgery is the best option for me. I am also hoping that Cory will come around and realize that it is a safe procedure that is necessary for me to live a long healthy life with him. I am also going to stop second guessing myself.. Everything happens for a reason, Life has taught me this. So if I don't get approval right away, just keep pushing and I will, someday, be approved!
~Jessica
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About Me
FARGO, ND
Location
34.5
BMI
Surgery
02/04/2010
Surgery Date
Dec 06, 2009
Member Since
