Finally, living life and loving it

Oct 03, 2010

We have gone camping twice in the past three weeks (in a tent) and are having a ball. We go nearby and during the week so there are very few people around and are ready to go again as soon as possible. Last fall we never would have considered it. I would never have been able to survive it, nor would I have had enough mobility or stamina to walk to the bathrooms!

I finally can wear my wedding rings! Two weeks ago I could get them on but within several minutes they would be too tight. Yesterday I had been thinking about the fact that I seemed to have reshaped again so I tried them on, along with another ring I haven't  been able to wear in a long time, and they fit. I am so grateful. 

I have been thinking of my list of reasons for wanting wls. I made it out late Jan. or early Feb. I want to get it out again, but of course I can't find it right now. I know what a few of them were;

I want to regain control of my health. I  have done that. My blood sugar is normal, I don't use a c-pap any more, my cholesterol is normal, though due to family h.history I still take statins, my blood pressure is normal, though I will be on meds the rest of my life again due to family history. My chronic pain is much better, as is my asthma, and fibro.

I want to be able to be more active.  We walk 45 minutes or so several times a week, I ride my bike, and right now am undergoing physical therapy for my mid back and they are really pushing me. I generally move far more than I ever could before, and actually like it. My pain level from the chronic conditions has increased lately so it is more difficult than it was before this recent episode, but I am not sofa/bed confined, and am loving it.

I want to have a decent quality of life. Oh, I am so very grateful for this. What I have received is so much better than I could have ever hoped for or dreamed of. My DH and I are talking of doing things we would never have done before, I feel like I have very few limits, now.

I want to be able to get down and play with our younger grandchildren. Oh yeah, it is so much fun. Life is good.

I want to be able to wear my wedding rings, and my grandmothers pearls. Now that the rings fit I am going to get those pearls restrung. Three years ago when my mother gave them to me they were too tight on my neck. Not anymore. My grandmother was a small woman, and I am, too. I can't believe I just said that!

I want to be able to shop in normal shops, not in tent and awning stores! I LOVE shopping now, and am becoming a real clothes slut! I am finicky about being sure I wear something flattering, not because I have to but because I look so damn good I want to notice it! While Goodwill is still my favorite (just bought a really chic jacket style top, and a new with tags sweater for $3.29 each) I can actually shop at regular stores now. I still wear a 14 top or an XL, but many pants are a 10, with a few 12's depending on the cut. And, I look good in those clothes. That new sweater? It is cable knit and the cables are absolutely straight, not veering off crookedly! Omar the tent maker is out of business around here!

I want to be able to enter a room without my belly preceding me. My belly has always been my problem spot, and will remain so. That is why I need to take special care, health wise. However, my boobs are bigger than my belly, now, and frankly it doesn't take a lot to disguise it. Before I spent hours trying to find ways to hide it and of course never could really do it. I mean, that sucker went far past any cardigan, jacket or anything else I could find. Now, my midsection is just straight down. It is toning some with physical therapy, but I am still lumpy. I am way past bikini days any way.
I don't want to be ashamed of my appearance and weight.  Boy, I'm eager to go out, to dress up, and don't feel at all self conscious. I may not be body perfect, but I look good at my age and look just like a normal woman. That makes me feel weepy with gratitude.

I don't want to be ashamed of the way I eat. I am no longer ashamed. I don't always eat the way I think I should, but I don't guilt myself, don't hide it (mostly) and feel like I am eating like a simply normal person. I still obsess over some things, eat too much  of some, all of those things that don't coincide with "perfection" but you know what? It doesn't matter unless I continue to the point of resuming those old habits. It feels good to feel normal. I must always be aware that my compulsive overeating is not cured, it is simply in remission, but unless I give up control totally I don't have to feel like I always did.

I don't want to worry about what others think of me or how they see me. I am simply me. An opinionated, bossy old broad that is really annoying sometimes, but mostly is concerned about others over herself. I am not a fat woman.

I don't want to be afraid to go to the doctor or put it off because of my weight. My PCP and I have gone through a lot of weight changes, mostly gains, he has heard me make vows to change, he has listened when I was giving up. He has heard me break down and sob when I have been so depressed he feared for me. He is thrilled with my changes. He is understandably hesitant because he has seen me go off great guns on some diet only to regain. He knows of wls patients who have regained everything they lost. He has questioned me about the band, since he really knew very little about it. He seems to be impressed, so far. I sure don't have to be afraid or ashamed. In fact I may need to find a reason to go see him pretty soon!

These were only a few lines from my list, but they are a good representative of how I felt then and how far I have come in a few short months. God is good.

So, here I am, 5 months post op tomorrow, and very near goal. How do I feel? WONDERFUL and GRATEFUL! The hardest work is still ahead of me, but I am looking forward to the challenge instead of fearing it.

0 Comments