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Jul 02, 2011

I just don't know sometimes how to deal with my stress.  I know that is a weird way to start this out but ugggg!  We are going through an interesting time at my house.  See my husband was diagnosed with bipolar 1 1/2 years ago.  He has been very well controlled on medications and he has been holding his own.  We as a couple have had some issues with the adjustment.  It has had a huge impact on us.  When something like this happens it introduces insecurity issues, trust, the fact that his personality has changed to the point of not even knowing this man that I am married to anymore, and an entire list of things I won't even start on.  I am trying to hold it all together. Taking on most of the responsibility of the house.  He still helps with the kids.  It is going ok.  I am running several times a week and that helps with the stress.  Not going to food is tough.  And I will not start smoking again!!!  I say this in my head 100 x a day.  I will not let the head hunger from the stress kill me.  I say that 200 x a day.  I love my DH so much.  I worry that we will not survive this.  More because of me then him.  I wake up on some days and think "how much more can I handle?"  Well I know that God only gives us what we can handle.  He certainly is testing me though. 

On the weight loss front all is going well. Slow but steady at this point.  I am thrilled to be under #200.  I feel better about myself and I like the fact that any physical pain I have is from exercise.  Not from the #87 I was carrying around with me.  I walk faster and carry myself more confidently.  It is amazing how much taller I stand now:)

Thank you everyone for listening.  Just needed to get some stuff out.  Please have a safe holiday
Heather

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