Miserable!

Mar 02, 2010

Ok, I'm not going to sugar coat anything...this is a blog, my blog.  Feel free to tell me everthing I'm doing wrong and that I have a piss poor attitude and I will probably agree with most of it.  So, go ahead and dish it out...I can take it.  I am exactly 2 weeks out and my arch nemisis is head hunger.  What a BITCH!  I think about food way too much still...not good stuff either...can I put a wendy's double bacon cheeseburger in the blender??? I have lost 20lbs.  Do you want to know how happy I am about that....I don't care at all!! I throw up at least once a day and I know it's my fault.  I didn't chew chew chew or it was too dry or maybe it was a little early to try that.  I'm GRUMPY!! and I'm tired and clumsy and forgetful...no, I do not think I'm getting all my protein in....I throw it up all the time!!  I threw up a scrambled egg!  It hurts...sometimes....eating hurts.  Then I go back to my liquid stuff and it all goes down fine.  I'm supposed to be on soft foods but maybe it's too early for me...I don't know....UGH!!  I am dealing with feelings of extreme regret!

Ok, enough of how I feel here is what I know....it will get better.  My surgeon told me as I was being released that I would hate him for the first 3 months but after that it will be the best thing I ever did.  I am assuming it is times like this he was talking about.  My head is why I was so unhealthy and I will tame the beast.  My clothes fit better and somethings are loose, I may not care now but I will...people are already noticing...some people, not all.  This is not only about me, it is also about my husband and daughter.  They deserve better from me and I will give it.  It has only been 2 weeks...sometimes I feel like it has been a month...I need to slow down and concentrate.  Deep breath in through the nose and out the mouth....this is to have a better life.

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