Just another slap in the face...

May 19, 2010

I have always had a forgiving heart. Though I am not so sure why sometimes but I have tried to give people the benefit of the doubt. When my (estranged) husband tells me how he's changed and how he has taken the addiction by the horns, I want to believe him. I want to allow myself to have faith in him. Last night he picked our daughter up from day school, and dropped her off at my mom's (where I am living). He has an apartment not too far from there, where he lives. Later on I had to run to the grocery store and I passed the convenience store and there was my husband's car. I sat in the parking lot and watched him as he stood there and gambled away his money. I have listened to him call me 2 -3 times a day, everyday and heard him swear to me how he's changed for weeks. I have listened to his guilt trips over and over about how I need to be living with him as man and wife. Yet, he still continues to give in and do the very thing that has helped drive us apart. Why does he choose his addiction over his family...I have no idea.  I do know this, I will not give in to him and I no longer feel guilty for leaving him. It's sad that we no longer have a home and that he is over his head in debt but I can't change those things. I can only try to protect our daughter and myself. 

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