This morning curiosity was killing this cat. I wasn't going to do it until Sunday morning, but I couldn't resist. I stepped on the scale and it read 245.2 . I'm down 20lbs since Dec. 10, 2009 ! And I'm 3 days away from surgery. I'm sure you know where I'm going with this. That question popped in my head; "Well, I don't have to have surgery. I can do this!"  Reality set  back in, "Yes Amy, you do need this surgery!" Then "The Sabotager" step in my head. I'm sure you know about this creature. "Since you lost some weight, why don't we go to Sonics and get those mozerella sticks you've been wanting ? You'll be able to "get rid of it" at least by Monday evening."  GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!! All of this happened from the time I got on the scale until I stepped off. (Of course the thought of mozerella sticks have been on my mind since Wednesday! BTW, this is my week to crave everything. I'm suppose to be coming "on" next week-GREAT!!!!)

I'm excited about the weight loss, please don't get it twisted. I have a size 26 pants that I had on yesterday and I had to go home during lunch to put a belt on b/c they kept dragging the floor. This morning I tried on a size 24 pants I had in the closet and I must say they were loose . But I'm still Morbidly Obese. OOOOOOOK, I'm snapping out of it. I suppose what I'm feeling is normal. And I wonder if we fought this Sabotager will we/I be in this position?

I made a visit to my home state of NC this past weekend to visit my mom and GPs. And let me tell you, since Dec. 10 (my orientation) I have become so aware of food conversations. Let me explain. I went to visit my grandparents. When my grandmother found out my mom & I were coming she made a big pan of cornbread (mostly for my mom). Then my GM proceeds to "push" food; why don't you get some of that to go with that, get some of this to eat with that, take a slice out GFather and take the rest with you. The entire time we were in the kitchen she was lovingly forcing food towards me. I couldn't do anything but 1) laugh and 2) stand my ground on the "other" foods.

Well, on top of that, I got the "Do you think you heavy enough" conversationS! I tell you! All I could say was, "When you see me next time, the weight will be off!"    But WAIT it gets a little better! My aunt was telling me via the phone, I needed "comfort food"; you know being in the house w/snow etc.. I told her comfort food got me where I am NOW!!! Can you believe this? That particular aunt is much heavier than my mom and their other sister. My GPs are "normal" size, not overweight.

I couldn't believe how engage I was watching other people eat, esp. my mom. She was eating--no snacking, on the way back from the GPs, AND THEN when we got to her place, she fixed her a meal. NO she doesn't have a high metabolism. WOW!!! What an experience. Well I got it out of my system. Next time I go back to NC (provided nothing major happens), it will be a whole n'other story; you know the one "YOU ARE TOO SMALL"!