JerseyMom
November 11, 2005
Well darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable and lightness has a call that’s hard to hear. I wrap my fear around me like a blanket. I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it. I'm crawling on your shores...
~The Indigo Girls
Good morning! I have some updates which have brought me a little closer to my goal. On Wednesday I had my initial nutritional evaluation. It was scheduled for 3:00 pm. It was okay...they were running a little behind but I am pretty easy going. I figured if I had enough time to get from Florham Park to Riverdale for my psychiatric evaluation test by 5:00 pm, I would be good.
I had gone to the pre-op class that these nutritionists give with my friend who had RNY last March. So this appointment was pretty much a repeat of that. They did ask me some of my history but, other than that, I did not learn much else. But hearing the same information over and over again, in the case of WLS, is always a good thing! However, while I was sitting there listening to all of this for the second time, I did notice that the time was creeping...
By 4:30 pm I was out the door. I did not think I would have any problems getting to Riverdale (20 minutes away) by 5:00 pm. WHAT WAS I THINKING!? Rush hour starts at 4:00 in Jersey! Plus, I had only eaten breakfast because, since I had to leave work early, I did not take a lunch break...then I thought I would have plenty of time in between the nutritionist and the psych appointment at 5:00 to grab something quickly. Nope...no time to eat. Not a big deal but I am not the best with traffic (it is my #1 pet peeve...being late is a close 2nd) so I was not in the best of moods..and then, on top of it, I was hungry. Oh...and it started pouring! AND...my gas tank was close to E. Banner night, I tell you!
I was scheduled to take a personality assessment at 5:00 but, at 4:50 I will still stuck on 287 so I called their office. Let me tell you, the office manager, Carol, was SOOOO nice! And SOOO helpful...even from the very first time I called them to find out if they do evaluations for bariatric surgery. Anyhow...she was very sweet and told me not to worry that I was late. Well...I finally approached the building. I had never been to this building before and I had to make a U-Turn to get to it (which took me at least 10 minutes because it is a heavy traffic area). I would have only been 15 minutes late but I was not aware that there is NO ENTRANCE to the building from the highway! I had needed to take the exit at the U-Turn to get to the building. Okay...Mrs. Laid-Back is history. I was so mad I was almost hyperventilating because I had to then take yet another U-turn. The next turn around was FAR away and that, of course, meant that I had to make the heavy-traffic U-Turn again. GRRR. I ended up arriving at 5:30 for my test. But, again, Carol made me feel completely at ease about being late. Okay...I do not know why I am writing this horribly boring story but it was just turning out to be an awful evening...
When I called my insurance company to find a professional who performs psychiatric evaluations for bariatric surgery, they sent me a list of doctors. I picked the first name on the list because, well, because it was first and because it was the closest. They are the Wayne Psychological Group. I was to go there two times...once to take a personality test and once to be evaluated by the psychologist. The test had 540 questions! My word! It is called the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory test. It only took me an hour and twenty minutes to zip through it...thankfully I am a fast reader. They were all rather suprised that I finished so quickly...which made me nervous. I mean, I read each question, answered it and did not go back to it. It's not the SATs :) Plus, how hard is it to answer, "I feel like my body is possessed much of the time, True or False." I do so hate these kinds of tests, though. They ask other questions such as, "Most people will blame other people for their own mistakes, True or False." Now...how do you answer this? Do I believe MOST people do that? No. Do I believe that a lot of people do? Yes but the question stated, "Most people." So...I answer "False." I really believe that people are basically good inside. But there were so many questions like this that my repeated "False" answers probably made me look like Pollyanna Good-Two-Shoes. Ah well...it is just a stupid test, right? So, finally, I left there at around 7:00 pm. I could not WAIT to get home...and I was almost there...when I hear BING...my gas tank was officially at ZERO miles to empty. JUST what I needed :) Thankfully I was able to get to the gas station and home in time to see my son before my husband put him to bed. So it turned out to be a fine night after all....
I really thought that, after a 540 question test, the face-to-face with the psychologist would be cake. I met with him the next day at 11:00 am. Now, I have met with a psychiatrist before...after I had my son I suffered horrible post-partum depression. Back then I went to the doctor's dingy little office, sat there, told him I was miserable and he prescribed me some drugs. So I am thinking that this visit would be exactly like that (minus the drugs). But, um...NO...NOT like that at all. The office I sat in was very nice...bright with big windows and nice artwork on the wall (well, if you can call a poster of ET the Extra Terrestrial 'artwork' ). The point is, it was really pleasant (I was mesmerized by a framed print named "The Return of the Cable Car" and I found ET somehow comforting). The chair was cozy and everything. I was fully prepared to answer questions about how long I have been overweight...why I eat...whether or not my family is overweight. But...nooo...I was asked to give an autobiography of myself. Folks, I just cannot do that. Of course, I can ramble on and on (as I have been here) in writing...but I just cannot, from scratch, start telling someone about myself. My inability to do that brought more uncomfortable questions. The tension in my neck and shoulders was SO intense that I still feel it this morning. I just do not get it! This psychologist must be very gifted because I felt as if I were a wound that he kept picking at to the point of bleeding. I know this seems like a huge overreaction. Even to me it does. I have no idea why I had such a difficult time with that session. But, okay...enough about that. I do have to say that I now have a **tremendous** amount of respect for those of you who can work through your issues in therapy. It is very, very brave. As for me? Apparently not so brave.
The only positive thing that came out of that experience is that I am one step closer to having everything ready to submit to the insurance company for approval. That is, if I did not FAIL my evaluation . I am getting there...little by little!
I hope you are all having a wonderful day!
