watch what you wish for!

Jan 15, 2011

I went from 300 pounds, and a size 24-26 down to 135 pounds and a size 3-5. Great, right? Not really. If I could do it over again, I wouldn't. I was really fine with my weight until I had my son. Until that time I weighed about 240 pounds and felt fine. I had a husband who was attracted to me, still got hit on by other men frequently (believe it or not) and had plenty of self confidence. I was healthy and fairly happy with myself. Of course I would have liked to have been thinner but it wasnt all consuming. Then I had my son and started nursing which caused me to be hungry all the time. I gained weight and got up to 300 pounds. I couldnt seem to lose it no matter what I tried. I started having pain in my ankles and knees and feeling very uncomfortable. I had a friend who had recently had rny and she was so pleased with the results that I looked into it. I finally decided that this was my best chance of losing weight and keeping it off. One of my biggest concerns was that my father had died at 44 of a heart attack triggered by his weight. I had 3 older kids who would be okay if something happened to me- well as okay as could be expected. But, I now had a new baby that I needed to be around for. So, I wrote my "in case I dont make it" letters, got all my affairs in order and had the surgery.That was the beginning of my decline.

The first problem I had was that I was never able to eat the prescribed foods. I STILL cant eat meat or fresh vegetables without throwing them up. They just get stuck in my stomach and sit there and hurt until I go throw them up. I go through phases where there are certain foods I can stomach that I like and those foods are almost exclusively what I eat.My stomach is till very small and only holds a little bit at a time.It has been a little over 8 years!! I have tried everything you can think of including chopping up the foods to try to digest them. No luck. From throwing up so much the first year or so, I ruined the enamel on my teeth and have had to have like 7 of them pulled since the surgery and still have like 5 or 6 more that are damaged and need to be repaired or pulled. I have severe anemia because I dnt get enough iron in my diet and dont absorb supplements properly. I have to see a hemotologist and have had several transfusions and iron infusions because my hemoglobin levels are so low.  This means I am so tired most of the time which sucks because I have a 9 year old, a 5 year old and a 2 year old! So, to try to keep up my energy levels, I down 2-3 energy drinks a day.I have painful chronic ulcers due to the bypass surgery (which the energy drinks only add to but I dont have much choice- its that or stay in bed). I have had to be hospitalized because at one point they started bleeding and when I got to the hospital my blood pressure was 60/30! I have recently also developed gastric reflux disease on top of the ulcers and often now vomit up pure stomach acid so strong it burns my nose and throat.  Before I had the surgery, I didnt have high blood pressure or diabetes. The only health problem I had was the discomfort that comes with being overweight.

I look back now and realize that I didnt try as hard to lose the weight as I should have. I think that as much as I hate to admit it, I thought of the surgery as a way to force myself into doing what I didnt have the willpower to do myself. Now, I have done the exact opposite of what I wanted. My health is worse then ever in my life and I pray all the time that I am around to see my little kids grow up. I know that this is not the normal experience of people undergoing this surgery, but it is mine. So, if you are considering having the surgery but are not really that bad off, ask yourself if you are willing to risk it. Maybe being fat isnt the worst thing in the world. To outsiders I look great, but so what. I'd rather be the way I was before.

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