LarsMorgan
Almost 2 Months--Feb 19, 2010
Feb 19, 2010
It's been almost two months, and I find that I am having both good and bad days. Of course, the bad days are of my own making. Sometimes I feel like I want to sabotage myself on this...and yet I've already come so far.I've dropped from a size 28 dress size to a size 22--4 dress sizes; I've lost 66 pounds--from 318 pounds to 252 pounds; 9 inches from my waist, 5 inches from my hips, 4 inches from around my ribcage, but only 2 cup sizes in my chest...so not losing there as much as I feared I would lose. My dimensions have gone from 52/50/59 to 49.5/41.5/53.25 measures. My cup size from 46I to 42G....so still as nicely large as I remember myself, but with more definition. That's good.
I'm walking more, too. Camping. My kind of camping: SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism). Look it up. No, we are not the Renn Faire; although we do have much in common with them: We camp for weeks at a time, in a format that includes everything but the kitchen sink (and then some, if you count beehive mud brick ovens). We dress in "period" fashions, we study "period" arts and science and history. We are all very cool people, and we are usually professionals of some sort. I'm so surprised always on how many doctors, lawyers and Indian Chiefs we have in the groups. And we are people who love historical re-creation. Think of us as re-enactors like WWII folks and so forth.... Anyway, my type of camping includes tents/rvs/eductional classes in needlework, metalsmithing, leatherwork, fencing, dancing/sword and shield fighting events (this year we had Zombie Wars!!~!)/brewing/and campfire community get togethers. And of course, this year, I decided I want to study belly dance! Great for the stomach muscles and back, uses the knees more than the back, etc.
So...why do I feel like I'm sabotaging myself?
Because I am actively finding things to do that interfere with walking, drinking water. I snitched an entire package of graham crackers! That's wayyyy over the recommended serving. So, why am I doing this to myself? I suspect that I am concerned that my life will not "change" enough with the weight loss. Well, it won't. I will still be me. I have to work on ME being the person I want ME to be WHILE I lose the weight. I am getting healthier...I feel it...my meds have been reduced.
Can I be well, and my weight, and be happy with myself??? YES!!
I really need to find a support group to go to here in town besides this website; to help with these terrible thoughts that are contributing to my sabotage.
And I need to stay on my B12 shots. Part of the last two weeks has been off of weekly shots, and I find today I do not find it as hard to be on track as the last two weeks...maybe because I don't "hurt". Having Fibro, and all my other pains (back, knee)...make it difficult to concentrate and stay on track without that additional help of B12 which, believe it or not, reduces the overall pain level, raises the threshold of pain, and allows me to THINK instead of just REACT. Being on B12 makes me not "hunger" for things... I guess that vite is more important than I ever thought...and with Pernicious Anemia, even more so. The body and mind will hunger for what it is not getting enough of...and that translates into cravings. Cravings can sabotage. So...no more off the vites for any reason at all!
Okay, back on track...off to walk and drink water.
Oh, and I finally understand why I can't drink and eat at same time. No one really explained that to me before. Doesn't have to do with vomiting (which I have never had, thank you)...but with pushing things out of my RNY pouch too soon, making me feel less full, and allowing me to eat more food than I should be eating at this level of the process. Okay, NOW I get it. Now I can stick to that part, too.
Lars
