Dec 4th update

Dec 04, 2009

Excuses and fear. I am working out like crazy at the gym. I"m up to 1.5 hours doing eliptical and treadmill. My brother wants me to run in a 5K next week end - Dec 12th and I have promised myself that I will walk it. This way I can get a feel for the culture of a race and also say that my first 5K was 4 days after my birthday. As I was saying in my last post - old habits sneak back in despite the best intentions. I'm smoking again. I have about 3 a day and I'm sick over it. I'm not telling anyone about it (of course this is the exception). This mornings weight is 221 and I'm so close to getting under the 200 pound mark. I never thought that I would ever achive that goal. I was 250 lbs in the 8th grade and 208 when I got married. It's hard to wrap my mind around the fact that I actually will make it below the dreaded 200 lb mark. I have people noticing all over the place. I even had a guy come up to me as I was at my county car in front of a client's home and ask me if I was married. When I said yes he asked me why I don't have a wedding ring on my finger. I didn't have the guts to tell him that I've lost so much weight that it doesn't fit anymore. I am also noticing that I'm getting looks/smiles and doors opened for me from guys that never noticed that I was alive before. This sure is a bumpy ride but I'm loving it.

I'm back to recording every calorie I put into my mouth. I don't seem to lose much if I just eat as I want and let my tummy decide how much. I still have a problem stopping when I'm full. It seems that I overstuff myself at least once a day and I get the foamies and that pressure in my chest - to the point that I think I should go make myself sick to get rid of it. I haven't done that except for a couple of times. I fugure that the feeling is my punishment for eating too much in the first place.

I'm able to eat about 1 cup of food to the point of fullness. I know that I should also slow down so my body can sense that full feeling, which takes time but this is one of the old habits that I struggle with.

My weekends are a struggle as well. I tend to drink wine or overeat the wrong foods and this has slowed my weight loss down. I guess this is going to be a life long struggle for me - dealing with old habits, new habits and keeping my life in check. I was hoping that I would eventually get to the point where I won't have to be on a diet but I'm thinking that I will be playing with the pounds the rest of my life. It is my cross.

Fridays are my new weigh in date cause I felt that Mondays just showed my loss of control with food/exercise and alcohol over the week-end. I know that I will struggle this weekend because it's my birthday on the 8th and I'm thinking that my family might have something planned.

My goal for this week is to keep the drinking down to a minimum or not at all, to exercise 6 days this week and to record everything I put into my mouth. I will also try to come here and blog as much as I can. I think it will help.

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