Lunasweetz69
I am an addict
Mar 16, 2010
So I was sitting on the couch watching tv after a long day at work. I decided to catch up on Ruby. She truly is an inspriation. The woman went from 700+ to 339lbs. She has this great big girls group where they can open up to each other. The episode was rather striking because she brought in a counselor for the 12 steps program. Ruby's reaction was negative and very standoffish. She felt like it did not pertain to her and it made her extremely uncomfortable. Then I realized something, I am that person. I went to one Overeaters Anonymous meetings and I was extremely uncomfortable. I felt like I did not belong there because I could not admit I was an addict. I felt it was too much like AA and was questioning what I was really doing there. They say the ones that resist it the most are probably the ones that need it the most. But I have to admit it. I am an addict. I am no better than alcoholics or drug addicts because food is my addiction. I feel good when I eat it, then regretful, and in the long run, it hurts me and my family. I have seriously considered some therapy, but I'm afraid to release those demons. The first question that needed answering was...when did I start to put on weight? I have always been pretty heavy, but I gained almost 100lbs since college. Did being a NYer and being in my 1st semester as a student during 9/11 have anything to do with it? Was the damage already done beforehand and was it exasberated? I was seeing a therapist a few yrs ago and that opened up memories that I have been repressing since childhood. If I work thru those problems, will I get over my addiction? At least I admit it, I am an emotional eater, a binge eater, overall, a typical addict. Sounds horrible, does it?
I gave myself a decent window before surgery to wrap my mind around this surgery. I am so excited that I'm going thru with it, but I have a lot to think about. How will this affect me emotionally? My whole world revolves around food. Breakfast is a happy time with coworkers and I enjoy all the salty sweet stuff that I mix in with my Jenny Craig food. Lunch is a time for unwinding and laughter and more food to measure up to my stress level. Late afternoon snack/early dinner because I'm ravenous by the end of my shift. Then my hubby comes home and we have to have dinner together because we are together. See the problem? So even if I behave for most of the day, it all becomes undone by dinner because thats dinner with the family and all I want to do is snack. Or better yet, I'm good for the whole week and then Sunday we go to Mexican and I go to town with the queso/salsa & chips and my half order of quesadilla. So when I go to stand on the scale for Jenny Craig, I'm ashamed and frustrated. Where do I go from here?
