its nice to know

Aug 26, 2010

 its nice t o know that while i'm dealing with all this stuff (mainly gas discomfort, not being able to sleep well, etc) that i'm losing weight in the background. its pretty awesome. i'm distracted with other things and not really paying attention but then i'll lay in bed on my side (yes i can do it very carefully but its still a bit painful) and feel my hip bone! by the time i'm ready to pay attention to the weightloss i'll already be in a great place. 

the distractions, while painful at times, have been good because clear liquids went by like nothing. i remember one day of clear liquids before surgery was sooooo hard. imagine 10 days! but it was never really a problem. i have been happy with my decaf hot teas. i did get sick of broth though. lol. so far i can tell you i love my sleeve. i loved it from the day i was in the hospital and i was only able to get a couple sips down. now once all the discomfort subsides and i'm able to do everything again (still waiting on being able to toss and turn in bed) i'll be able to really enjoy my sleeve with no distractions. this sleeve has already made my life so much easier. not being hungry is just so liberating! 

head hunger is a trip. sometimes i get off on the smell of food. its like as satisfying as eating it. i smell things more now and they smell so lovely. i can smell the different ingredients. i also like to watch people eat or watch food being prepared. its like porn! lol. today in support group they made lasagna soup and it smelled like i died and wen to heaven, and i was so happy just to smell it! and my mom ate some. she said it was good. for some reason seeing/smelling food being made (especially if i'm making it) and then watching people eat it and enjoy it, that makes me so happy. they also made dessert tarts. talking about lots of different food at the meeting made my mind hungry of course. but it wasn't nothing out of control. when i see myself get out there i reign myself in.

tonight my husband got home late (almost 11pm) and he had already eaten earlier so he wasn't hungry for a whole meal but he wanted a snack. he had bought some bread rolls (they were kind of like challah bread and had a crossaint like feel) so i got him a roll to eat and boy....oof. my thing is breads. and this bread...i smelled it. i almost defiled it. then i watched him eat it. yeah...crazy. i almost got lost in that one. but i pulled myself together. lol. its nice to know that whenever i'm having cravings for something bad that i can always consume something good and it will fill me up. then i won't want the bad thing anymore and even if i did, no room. its a pretty neat weapon. but i'm not there yet. i'm fine right now in the liquid phase.

still in the distractions phase. i'm not 100% yet. man i talk a lot.  

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