been a long time

Sep 26, 2012

 i haven't updated my page in forever. i've been mostly posting in the pregnancy forum. i'm 7 months pregnant with my first baby and i couldn't be happier. :) i was doing really well with my weight, mostly maintaining but still losing in my face and stuff. here's me at christmas last year...probably at my thinnest....



my aunt used this pic for a poster at our gender reveal party in july. little did i know that i was pregnant in that pic. i found out a few days later and i have to say i collapsed on the floor crying for how happy i was. i had waited a long time and been through a lot to get pregnant. thats the whole reason i got the surgery. then....right before new years i got the call that i had miscarried. devastated cannot begin to explain how i felt. i had feelings i couldn't process and went on a downward spiral. i started to drink and even do drugs. nothing major mind you, smoked a little pot. but i normally don't do either so this was way out of character for me. i was trying to run away from it. suppress the feelings because i honest to god did not know how to handle them. my RE had me go on fertility drugs to get pregnant. i hated what they did to my body. i gained weight, i got horrible acne that till this day has scarred my face, all that and they didn't even work. so i said fuck this and just stopped taking them. i said, whatever, if it happens it happens. i finally had to face my feelings. it wasn't easy or pretty. i had a rough rough couple of months between jan and feb. but soon i started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. then out of nowhere...in april, april fools day in fact, i found out i was pregnant again. this time i didn't let myself get happy. neither did my husband. and it wasn't till that first trimester passed that i let myself really be happy and hopeful. and for my husband it wasn't till we found out the sex that he finally opened his heart again (he was so heartbroken after the miscarriage). now here i am 7 months pregnant with a healthy baby boy and i couldn't be more grateful and happy. i haven't put on THAT much weight, which is good. 

i'm gonna post some pics of me in the album but here's one of me from my baby shower last weekend.


i thank god for this surgery for giving me my life back. after pregnancy i plan to get right back on the horse, working out. i already eat pretty good. its just the working out i've been slacking on.

good luck to everyone!

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