The power of the NSV

Nov 11, 2010

So when I started this journey here on OH researching  VSG surgery I began to see people posting about various "NSV" and soon learned what it meant... Non Scale Victory... hmmm... ok, I get it.  But in my world, it has always been about the numbers.  The scale is my master - tells me if I'm going to have a good day or a bad one - tells me if I have been a good girl or a bad one. 

I have lived my life by the numbers on the scale.  I can tell you how much I weighed at all the most memorable moments of my life.   I have a really great memory, but I even surprise myself sometimes when I think of a life event and immediately following think about how much I weighed and how that impacted the event. 

So I sort of dismissed the NSV as a bit lame and knew that to me, my success would be measured by the numbers on the scale.... until today.

I had a series of NSVs that have kind of blown me away... 

I'm 9 days post op and am on day 30 (yes, thirty!) of being on ONLY a liquid diet.  I haven't cheated. Really.  I had to do 21 days of liquid prior to surgery due to my high BMI and now 3 weeks of liquid post op.  And amazing as it is, I have lost 47 pounds in 30 days. 

So with that said, please don't hurt me when I say....

THIS MORNING... I got on the scale... and I didn't lose since the last time I weighed... about 24 hrs before... Yes.  I know.  47 total pounds in 30 days, but from day 29 to 30 I stayed the same... and what was my reaction... DEVASTATION.  I was so upset.  I TRIED to focus on my "success" over the WHOLE 30 days but I kept going back to the small 24 hour period, wondering (in a whiny pity party voice) how in the world I could EAT NOTHING and drinking VERY LITTLE and NOT LOSE A POUND!!!!  (I know, poor me)

So with that attitude I started the day and was mostly bummed out.  I have been home 7 days from the hospital and hadn't left the house - with the exception of walking up and down my block - so I thought I would get out for the first time and get a much need hair trim and touch up the hi-lights... 

So I did.  I showered and put "real" clothes on (as opposed to the pj's and lounge wear I've been living in for the past 7 days) and I did notice that my bra fit... like, it fit... like a bra should... the under-wire wasn't poking into my underarm fat, and the elastic band wasn't so tight it would leave a mark... and my top wasn't tight around my belly and my skirt seemed to fall a little "smoother" if you will.... and then I complained (all in my head of course) about the fact that I will still be in the same size after I lose 100 pounds... and I will still be FAT! 

And then I moseyed on out to my vehicle and climbed on in... started it... pulled out of the drive... and as I cranked the wheel to the hard left turn I realized.... my belly isn't touching the steering wheel.... it ISN'T RUBBING ON MY BELLY!!!!  I got SO excited... for like 10 seconds... and then I thought... well, I'll have to lose 50 more pounds before I can move my seat up....

AND... I go to the hair salon and plop down in the seat (you know the salon chairs, with the arm rests) and.... WAIT A SECOND.... MY HIPS... they.... f.i.t..... I fit in the chair.... they aren't budging over the arm rests... they didn't touch the arm rests.... which was quickly swallowed up by my realization that... well, I still take up the whole WIDE chair....

So I come home with my new sexy hi-lighted, blown out, bouncy hair to no husband to show it off to (cuz we are getting a divorce...) and I'm just feeling bummed out... and a bit later I go to the restroom and... WTF.... I have started a real, honest to goodness, full blown PERIOD.  I just sat there......... and I could not believe it.  I was shocked.  (some back story - really a whole other blog - and I am well aware that this is now officially TMI...is that I was diagnosed with "almost uterine cancer" and was told that the only hope of saving my uterus was to lose weight.  It was my Gyn who told me to have weight loss surgery.  I have had about a dozen periods in the past 16 years... the amount of time I have been obese.  The hope is that with weight loss my hormones will balance out, my uterus will cooperate and heal itself and I can avoid a hysterectomy at the age of 36....) So back to the shock, sitting on the toilet...... MY BODY... the body that I have abused and fail to care for... the body that I have been told is broken... is responding SO quickly... FORTY-SEVEN POUNDS and I'm having a period... I have taken MONTHS of medication and have not been able to have a period... for YEARS I have tried to make myself have a period... and THIRTY DAYS and 47 POUNDS and it feel like my body is SMILING at me... my body... is... happy....  My uterus... is thanking me... I am so humbled by this...

So humbled.... so thankful... so sorry for my negative thinking....

I didn't lose a pound today... the scale didn't move... AND...
my BRA fits!
my SHIRT fits better!
my SKIRT looks better on me!
my BELLY has shrunk and it FIT in my vehicle!
my @SS fit in a chair (with side arms)!
my UTERUS is happy today!
my BODY is forgiving me... 
AND I continue to forgive myself...
 
I want to be gentler with myself... and celebrate each and every NSV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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