April 23, 2007 -- Two years!
Okay so I'm not the poster child for rapid and profound weight loss on WLS, but given that prior to WLS I only ate about 1500 calories a day, and I have pretty much nearly no restrictions other than volume since the surgery, I'm doing well.
Since my last update in March, I haven't lost any weight, but I am continuing to tone and get very strong and flexible. I work out six days a week with a minimum of 30-40 minutes of cardio, and more on days when I'm not doing my weights. It's nice to see and feel the muscles developing, though I do admit I wish the loose skin wasn't there.
Physically I'm feeling great, despite being anemic. My WLS doc has me seeing a hematologist next month to figure out why, despite the fact that my iron and B12 levels are normal and I'm not bleeding, I continue to be very anemic. I feel great -- you would never know I was anemic to look at me, and I am totally asymptomatic. They are suspecting that it has something to do with my underlying autoimmune disease, which was causing me to be pretty anemic before the surgery. The good news is that the Vitamin D is helping me absorb calcium so those levels, as well as the PTH levels, are completely normal, and my bone scans have come out good. I'm able to work 4-6 nights in a row on a busy L&D unit without getting more wiped up than normal sized, non-WLS having colleagues.
Good things about my weight loss:
*No more hypertension, hyperlipidemia, and blood glucose meds.
*Lots more energy to work, clean house, work out, hang out with my friends, etc.
*I can wear clothes from The Gap, and other "normal size" stores, although it's funny. I still gravitate to the plus size section.
*I really love my body in a way I never did before, even with all the loose skin.
*I am way more confident, though it bugs me that it took weight loss for that to happen. I don't take nearly the crap I used to from people, and I am getting better at standing up for myself in all of my relationships.
*I'm still the same person I was, just more confident, with a body she likes. WLS didn't really change me profoundly. I feel like it just has allowed me to fully explore who I truly am. Again, I feel it's silly that it took weight loss for that to happen, but one of the things I've learned in this journey is self forgiveness.
*Theater seats
*Crossing my legs
*Feeling small and dainty
*Fitting into small spaces at work and being able to move rapidly
*Walking for as long as I want to without getting tired.
Less favorable things:
*My breasts? Yeah. They used to be nice. I remember. They used to be juicy and plump and big. Now? They are saggy bags of loose skin.
*My incisional hernia hurts sometimes and I will require another surgery to fix it.
*I miss my butt. I lost a huge amount of weight from my butt and thighs, and so I don't feel as proportional as I was. How much I lost from my waist and tummy isn't as noticeable because of the loose skin. I'm hoping that with a tummy tuck I'll get a more feminine profile back.
*I miss Top Ramen. It's the only thing that I can never truly eat. I can eat rice, which is great since I love sushi. I can eat small amounts of pasta. I can eat bread -- even bagels. But I cannot eat Top Ramen, which is actually a good thing but it was a comfort food for me and I miss that. :(
Overall, though? Life is wonderful. I have no regrets, other than not doing it sooner so that I didn't have so much damn loose skin. I'd like to lose another 20-30 pounds but I'm not going to kill myself to do it. I need to be a little more consistent with my eating, drink less with meals, and if I did that I would probably lose more weight. But right now I'm at a very comfortable weight for me, and it's very maintainable, which is the most important thing.
March 17, 2007
As trite as it sounds, I can't believe I'm nearly two years postop. I've been woefully neglectful of my profile here, as well as my online life in general, since life's been a whirlwind.
Okay, the stats:
As of today, I'm 180 -- totally naked, on my at home scale, first thing in the morning. I'm wearing size 14 pants, size large and xl shirts, size medium and large scrubs at work, and am overall getting more toned. I have a LOT of excess skin on my upper arms (where I lost a total of eight inches off of each arm) and my tummy (where I've lost over 10 inches), and my breasts are mere shadows of their former selves. ;)
Sure, I'm not a wee little thing, but I'm considered "normal" sized now and feeling good. I'm a little anemic still, and we're working on that, but I can eat nearly everything I want in small quantities. Overall, I don't feel that different in terms of my eating patterns, I just have a fridge full of leftover containers. I was a good eater before, and I'm a good eater now. The only real differences are that I push the protein and I can't eat as much.
Physically I'm a goddess. Okay not really, but I work out nearly every day and can almost say I enjoy it. I at least enjoy it more than I did at 300 pounds. I lift weights every other day, and I do cardio on nearly every day, even the days I work a 12 hour shift (though truthfully I only do about 20 minutes on those days). I'm strong, I'm limber, I'm flexible, but because I have an incisional hernia (not wound dehiscence, but underneath, my abdominal muscles have herniated) I can't do ANY abdominal work and because my abdominal muscles are for crap, my low back is in crappy shape. I'm hoping for a tummy tuck and hernia repair this year (fingers, toes and eyes crossed) which will help a lot.
Okay that'll have to be it for now, but it won't be two years before I post another update. Promise!
November 23, 2005 Update!
Okay well, things are going well. I've lost a total of 85 pounds, which while it doesn't make me the fastest loser on the planet, it does make me feel muchmuchmuch better. I'm in a comfortable 18, and am making my husband nauseous with all the money I'm spending on clothes. I'm unstoppable!!!
Physically things are still good, although I seem to have developed an incisional hernia (a risk with an open surgery). Sometimes it feels like I have an alien trying to crawl out through my abdomen, but most of the time it doesn't bother me, just a weird kind of pressure that reminds me of my pregnancies when an elbow or knee would press against my belly. I'm hoping it'll just kind of hang in there and not get worse until it's time for any plastics I may have. I wear an abdominal binder at work, and that makes me more comfortable.
I had my labs redone last week and haven't gotten them back yet. The symptoms of anemia are better so either I'm getting used to it or my H&H has come up. I'm able to eat just about anything and so far I haven't noticed the increase in volume that many people do at this stage of the game. I think that may be in part due to the hernia. But I can eat barbecued meat, sushi, bread, and even sweets in small amounts (I don't push it, just the occasional cookie or tiny slice of pie).
Emotionally I'm noticing that since I can't medicate my feelings away with food that I'm much more in tune with what I want, and am much better about asking for it. The downside is that I get royally PISSED when my needs aren't met, and I don't seem to be afraid of speaking up like I used to be. I am much more confident than I ever was, and many of my abandonment fears are gone, or at least in hiding for now; fortunately, my sweetie is very flexible and hasn't groused too much about his newly loud mouthed wife.
Probably the weirdest thing that's come about is my weird size dysmorphia. It's like I can't figure out how big or small I am. When I look at clothes that fit me I think "There's no WAY my big ass is going to fit into that". And it does. The other day my sweetie and I were side by side in a booth. That used to feel horribly crowded to me, and in fact I'd get claustrophobic so he mostly sat opposite me. I kept asking him, "Are you sure you have enough room?" thinking for sure his butt was hanging off the side. I just had aaaallll this room around me, it was so strange. In a good way. When I look at pictures of me, I still feel like I look really fat, even though I can definitely see the changes in my face and neck. All I see is this HUGE belly still, but others who haven't seen me in a long time either don't recognize me at all, or else barely recognize me. Those who I've just met say they "can't imagine" me at 85 pounds higher (and actually my highest was 314 so I've lost 100 pounds in the last year).
Things are feeling really good. But you know, I'm still the same person, with the same emotions, frustrations and joys. Losing weight hasn't really changed my life, as it has for many others. It's just made me more of an active particpant in the one I've got.
And that's good enough for me.
August 30, 2005 Update!
Things have been going well since my surgery in April. I've lost 65 pounds, many many inches, and feel really good. My good ol' cast iron stomach hasn't disappointed me, so I can tolerate just about anything in reasonable amounts. I'm pretty anemic still, despite iron supplementation, but at least I can eat meat; we're keeping an eye on the anemia, and doing what we can to get as much iron into me as possible. My PTH (parathyroid) levels are high, indicating that my calcium absorption isn't what it should be, so I continue to try really hard to get my calcium in every day. It's hard because I'm also trying to get my iron in and since the two can't be taken together, it makes things interesting! :D
Physically I feel really good; most of my Sarcoidosis symptoms (in fact, all of them) have disappeared. My breathing is better, my joints are better and I think if I weren't anemic I'd feel even better. Part of the anemia is caused by "girlie problems" (regular, heavy periods every three weeks) which I'm having taken care of by getting a Mirena IUD. I was trying to ride it out, hoping the periods would resolve themselves, but if anything it's gotten worse, so it's time to try "better living through chemistry".
Work is great. I'm able to run my (now shrinking) butt off for 12 hours, go to sleep and come back and do it three more days. I can't imagine being able to do it prior to surgery; I think for me this surgery has been a very good thing. Even though my weight loss isn't as high as other people's, losing 65 pounds has really helped me regain my mobility and enjoy life more.
More later...
March, 2005
Very busy month for me! Not only did I start my new job as a L&D nurse (a dream of mine finally fulfilled) but I've started getting all of my testing done for preparation for insurance approval. Weirdly, my PCP is asking for more testing than my surgeon and insurance company. Upper GI, Adenosine stress test, even a pap smear and mammogram! :O Got my psyche consult out of the way, nutrition consult done. The only thing left is a PFT with arterial blood gasses but I wanted to give myself at least ONE day without either being at work or being poked and prodded. ;)
My boss at work is pretty understanding, and the lady who does the scheduling at work had bypasss surgery 10 years ago. It'll mean extending my orientation by "x" weeks (x being anywhere from the two weeks *I* think I'll need to the four weeks everyone else thinks I'll need). My family's being wonderful. My husband is fabulous, even though I know he's worried about me. He was concerned at first, but he knows I'm not jumping into this without a LOT of research. My kids (who are all teens) are supportive; my eldest is worried, but then, he's a worry wart. My friends are all supportive. Overall, I feel blessed, and even more sure that I need to do this, especially after the last two weeks at my new job. The pace is exceptionally fast and I end each day with horrible back, knee, and foot pain; I know that it's just a matter of time before I'd be unable to work, so I need to do this.
Anyway, that's the news that's fit to print.
February 5, 2005
Like many of you, I've struggled with my weight for years. Finally I gave up and tried size acceptance, loving myself "no matter what" -- which worked until the weight started (literally) dragging me down. I have a brand new career as a nurse, and would like to actually be able to BE a nurse, which is a very physically demanding career. My mobility is further compromised by the fact that I have an autoimmune disease, Sarcoidosis, which impairs my breathing, making cardio exercise a bit of a joke. I still love myself, but now I'm thinking I need to love myself, and be brave enough to give myself a fighting chance at a relatively normal life.
So with all of that in mind, I'm searching, seeking, wondering. After years of saying "never", I'm saying "never say never" and am looking into RNY. Initially I was considering the band; however, there is only one band surgeon here in Alaska, and he's only done something like 15 bands (he's very "pro bypass"). I'd have to go out of state to have it done, and then finding local follow up care would be problematic. So here I am, considering bypass surgery. It's scary to say the least, but so is the idea of slowly losing my mobility and health. I feel like the proverbial frog in hot water, the temperature creeping up incrementally and slowly boiling me alive. I can hop out now, or wait for .... what? The water to magically cool on its own? I'm not sure what.
So that's my dilemma, my situation, my current thinking regarding surgery. I'm going forward as if I'm going to have it, getting the pre-ops done (and there's a lot of them!) We'll see if I have the cajones to actually go through with this. Obviously I'm concerned about dying. My parents died when I was 12, and I have three teenage kids, so the idea of not being there as they grow up scares the bejeezus out of me. But you know, I could be hit by a bus (or more likely a m00se!) tomorrow and that would be that. I want quality of life, and right now? My quality could use a bit of improvement.
I'll keep y'all posted, you lucky devils.
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