Starting my new life

Oct 30, 2014

I'm still in the pre-op phase, but I'm so amazed at how far I've come in my head if not my body since the process to WLS started for me about a year ago.  I really fought against it for the longest time. I came up with all sorts of reasons for not having surgery.  Some of these may sound familiar:  I love to cook and bake, what if I can never do that again?  What if I end up with horrible complications or vitamin deficiencies?  Why can't i do this myself without carving up my body?  What if the zombie apocalypse comes and I run out of supplements? (Joking on that last one, but on second thought...).

I was BRUTALLY honest with the nurse, the social worker and all of the medical personnel that we had to meet throughout the process because I didn't want to have this surgery unless they thought I was ready and unless I thought I was ready. And now that I AM ready, it's an amazing feeling.  At points during this process I was still having trouble with binge eating. I was honest about it throughout.  Most of the binges were a result of me still feeling like I wasn't sure that this was the right thing and being over the top stressed about it. But slowly I worked through this and the binges have stopped for the past month.  I'm two months away from surgery, and I've started "getting down to business" about my new life.

I know that the urge to binge won't go away because of the surgery, so I've hired a personal trainer who also has a Masters in Social Work to work with me throughout this process, to help me fix my body and help fix my mind.  We've already come far together in our sessions - we've outlined short and long term goals for me, and developed a pre and post surgery exercise plan together that will help me preserve my lean muscle mass as I lose weight rapidly following my operation.  She is behind me 110% and it's nice to know that we share a project: developing a new ME!

As part of my commitment to a new life, I've also made a significant investment in things that I hope will support my goals. I purchased a treadmill so that the weather poses no excuses for me not to walk on a daily basis.  I bought a FitBit Flex to keep me honest about my activity (and lately I've been using it to make sure I'm getting at least my 10,000 steps in per day).  I've purchased all my post-op supplements (just seeing them makes me feel like I'm able to do this). And I'm starting to organize my life around making a healthy and fit me a number 1 priority.

Right now I feel like a caterpillar in a chrysalis - I've only told a few of my closest friends about the surgery.  I've told work that I'm having surgery, just not what kind.  Everyone will figure it out when I start dropping pounds like Eminem drops sick rhymes, but until then it's like a delicious secret that I'm treasuring.  A whole internal process is happening that only a few people are aware of.  I'm not embarrassed about getting surgery, that's not why I'm not telling everyone, instead it's like a painter working on a painting and not wanting to reveal it until it's finished.

So that's my story so far.  I've really enjoyed the support and wealth of information that I find in the OH Forums.  I'm glad that I found this wonderful, safe place.  I've learned so much and I look forward to learning and sharing more of this journey with the friends I've met and will meet.

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