I broke down and wimped out

Jan 17, 2010

I finally got the money to join the gym.  I went today and signed up, I'm all joined and ready to go.  Well, as soon as I handed the money over and they gave me the membership card, I started to panic.  They offer a new sign-up thing for 3 training sessions for $99.  All this time I have been saying I want to get a trainer- well I got scared and decided against signing up for that right away.  I said I just wanted to be able to check out the gym and have someone show me around and how to use the equipment. 

The woman told me to just go on back the the fitness center and find someone who works there and sign up for a free evaluation/orientation.  My husband and i go on back to the fitness center- and I can not bring myself to go in!  there's this enormous glass wall, and I can see maybe 3 dozen people working out  hardcore, and a lot of them are looking at me because I am just standing there staring in like a goober.

I try to spot a fitness coach through the window so I can just go on in and talk to them.  I can't spot anyone and my anxiety just keeps building, because I am so intimidated, and I just hear this voice in my head repeating over and over again 'You can't do it, you're too fat, they're all judging you, etc"  I'm having flashbacks to when I was 13 and I joined the Y and had one of the evaluations and the trainer looked me right in the face and said "You're obese"

I had to go down to hall to a quiet area and just let myself have a little breakdown because I was going to have an anxiety attack if I actually went inside that gym.  After i calmed down I ended up leaving because I still couldn't spot a trainer.

I can't believe I let the negativity get the best of me.  I will go in person tomorrow and sign up.  At that point i was so embarassed for crying in public that i just wanted to leave.

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