Another rainy day, another day of being so big

Oct 02, 2010

I am 5 days away from beginning a 3 week Optifast!  My surgery is in 3.5 weeks.  It has been such a long process and I am both longing and dreading the next stage.  I can't really think too much about the surgery because I get anxious.  I have always stayed away from hospitals and doctors and for the last several months I  have been a regular visitor at several health facilities!!! So it already feels like I am not sure of who I am.

I am grateful for all the photos that people have so graciousl shared. It has been helpful to look at them as I get closer, to assure myself that this can work, as long as I work it.

It is really not even so much about eating as it is the transition and how that will change things in my life.  I know that it will be good and do not misunderstand me, it is absolutely what I want - it is just that I can't help but think about how I might feel, not really knowing how it will change me and the relationships around me.  I have always been the biggest person, quietly struggling with it all.  If I really change, physically change - people will notice, and notice me...

One day at a time I guess.

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