Sarah C.
Here I am! All of me....
Mar 12, 2012
The introduction....
My name is Sarah and I'm ready to take the next step in this roller coaster ride that is weight loss.
I'm currently 31, just had my birthday a week ago. I'm single. I have three daughters...Patches, Stitches and Tinkerbell; all of the 4 legged variety. I have an amazingly supportive family, but when it comes to weight and fitness, i'm the black sheep. My highest weight was 255. My lowest that I remember was 179, but the lowest I've been in 7 years was 189. I am going to say what most of you have said... I've tried it all. Pills, doctors, programs, fasting, fad diets, online programs, group programs, anonymous programs, over the counter meds, herbal remedies, programs on my smart phone, more pills....oh, and don't worry, i've done the old standby...diet and exercise. At one point, I was watching my calories and exercising anywhere from 2-4 hours a day. it didn't help. Sure, I got stronger, I felt healthier, ate better but....my weight...stayed the same. My size stayed the same. I used to WORK at a weight loss center (lost 30 lbs on the program, put 40 on while working there.) I KNOW how to lose weight...but my body...has been through too much. it says "no way! You're not putting me through that again!" and it holds on....
I saw my first dietician when I was 13. talk about getting a complex. I hated PE, sports of any sort, got laughed at when I tried gymnastics. was extremely depressed in high school because I didn't "fit" in...even to the point of being called into the counselor's office because my friends told her I was suicidal. At the time I didn't think I was....I've been there again and now I know that I was closer to the edge than I thought.
Whoa. that's a seriously depressing way to start my first blog!
The thing is...I'm NOT a depressing person. I love to dance, travel, laugh, sing, make new friends. and I know...under these layers of very stubborn fat, I have a beautiful, agile, fit, healthy body. When I go to the club, I don't go to drink or meet guys. I go to DANCE! I typically go to the local gay bar because it's mostly gay guys and they don't make me self concious like the patrons at other clubs do.
You know what?? i'm a pretty mean salsa dancer. Yeah. I totally have the hips for it. I love latin dances of all kinds. Zumba and I were best friends a while back. then my world seemed to fall apart and that downward spiral took over and now I can barely last 10 minutes walking my dogs, let alone an hour of zumba.
My dogs have suffered too. They don't get to walk like most dogs do. I have gotten better since 2012 started, though. No, it wasn't a new years resolution, but it is something that they deserve. these girls have been with me through thick (aka fat) and thin (aka not as fat). and they love me...NO. MATTER. WHAT. really the only time Patches didn't recognize me was when I had hair that was down past by backside and i got it cut to just below my chin. Yeah, she was shocked. Thought i was a stranger!
So, anyway....at the end of last year, I was awarded Employee of the Year for my company. We're a small company so there aren't many choices, but employee of the YEAR?! Whoa! That is quite an accomplishment. I couldn't do it without my coworkers though. Anyway, my prize was a trip to cancun mexico. I don't think they've ever had a beached whale on the sandy shores of Cancun, but they may mistake me for one.
Right, I deal with my insecurities with humor. If I don't laugh about it...I'll cry.
So anyway, Cancun. I thought .. hey. this would be a great motivator for me.... an all expenses paid trip to the beach. I can take a guest. oh, that's right...i don't have a significant other....No one will look my way. No one that is worthy anyway. And please, don't think I'm super picky because I'm not....but when you're my size, guys try to get with you because they think you're desperate. Well, i'll tell you. I'm doing A-OK by myself. I'll find someone to love me for me, no matter my size, one day. but I have to love myself first.
So I decide, alright, i'll take my Mom. she LOVES the beach. and she's my best friend. When I said earlier that i have an amazing family....i wasn't just saying that to impress you. I really truly do. I'll always be daddy's little girl, mommy's best friend, and the cool big sister. My father has a very physically demanding job, so even though he's nearing his mid 50s, he's still fit. Mom is 4'11 and pixie like petite. My brother....he once understood where I was....he was there too. then this little thing happened like his dreams came true and he became a US Marine. yeah, his body fat percentage ranges between 15 and 16 percent. that's my everything-but-fat percentage.
Last year, when I was on my third round of HCG (doctor supervised!) and I was on such a plateau i was ready to beat someone, that's beat...not eat...my doctor asked if i'd thought about Bariatric surgery. Yeah, i told him...I'd thought about it. but I didn't want to be considered a cop-out. and I couldn't afford it. I wanted to do it on my OWN. but ...how "on my own" was it really when I was doing extreme diets, pills and grotesque amounts of exercise? all at the same time?? not good.
So i got on the lap-band website and started reading....and I thought, hey, I can do this. but then i went to Dr. Roller's free seminar. he's our local doc and has done over 1300 bariatric surgeries. that's when I decided on Roux En Y. surprisingly enough, a very good friend of mine was at the same seminar! I couldn't believe my luck! A support system built in!! I'd already made up my mind that come Hell or high water, this was GOING to happen. I AM going to make this change. I'm 31 and I should NOT be on the meds that I'm on! This is ridiculous!
So, i decided. And I went to the seminar, but before I scheduled my initial appointment, I called my insurance to check the codes to see if they were covered procedures. and BAM! They are! Hot diggity! now I have the next hurdle of...a $5000 deductible. You know what, though? I've got over $2000 of it met already, not related to my surgery, and I'm saving money like mad besides that. So...i'd say I'm well on my way.
I had my first official appointment Feb 22, 2012. Weight at checkin: 247. shameful. disgraceful. sad. embarrassing. me.
okay, so now that you're totally bored to death (sorry about that!) you know just a smidgin of what brought me to this point.
More to come. I can't wait to get started joining groups, reading other blogs, finding out that I'm not the only one that is in these shoes...finally....I'm somewhere that I can relate to people and not be embarrassed about who I am. I'm somewhere I can meet people who will help me find a better me...who will walk with me on this journey and support me as though they were my own family.
Thanks, if you read this far...I wish I had a prize to give you, but alas...friendship, support and love are all I have to offer. Hope that's enough!
-Sarah
