A very revealing evening...

Aug 21, 2012

Last night i went to get my hair highlighted and as I sat in front of that mirror for those long hours while the stylist foiled my hair, I couldn't help but see just how fat I really am.  Because I don't look at myself every day (i try to avoid mirrors at all costs) I was horrified to see myself in full view.  I couldn't get over my calves and ankles, nor could I get past the flab that gushed out of the sides of the chair, nor the gut that for so long has made a great arm rest.  I won't even talk about the disgusting double chin. 

If I had any doubts before about having this surgery, I have none now.  Tomorrow is my pre-op and although I am nervous and I've put on a couple of pounds since my weigh in, i'm focused today.  I have a plan.  Hopefully I can drop those two pounds (major salt increase in my food consumption the past few days and can feel how swollen I am)  before my weigh in tomorrow. 

I'm angry with myself b/c I gained nearly 6 lbs in as many days.  Again, i'm sure that much of it is water, and I'm also sure that I'll drop those 6 and more in my next two weeks on the preop diet, but gosh, i'ts frustrating.  I've done SO well to this point and now I do this?? 

But...again, it's only temporary and this time, instead of being mad about it and eating everything in sight, I have a plan.  i had a protein shake (chocolate banana!) this morning and have a yogurt for morning and afternoon snack, plus a protein shake for lunch and lots of water.  haven't decided on dinner yet.  I have lean cuisines, and I have...well, soup and stuff, but I don't want something with too much salt.  We'll just have to see what I decide.

Man, two weeks from today my life is going to change.  Although I've never been married and I don't have kids, this is the single biggest event I've experienced in my life.  This surgery is going to open the door to me being married and having kids.  What an amazing opportunity i'm giving myself.  For once, I really AM putting myself first. 

I'm ready.  So ready.

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