Two weeks into the new me and I feel like I'm going backwards.

Sep 18, 2012

Two weeks have passed and 11.5 lbs are gone.  I just ran my inches, too, but didn't calculate a total, but most everything went down. 

I have been back to work now for two days and only had to leave an hour early yesterday.  My support system has been fantastic.  Now while I was gone, one of my coworkers was let go, but I consider it a good thing.  Everyone has been very watchful of me.  They don't eat in front of me since I'm on liquids only, which is nice.  One lady has asked me to walk during the day, so today I wore my walking shoes.  The thing is, though, I walk SLOW, especially now.  I don't walk as quickly as everyone else does, so it may not be best for me to walk with them, but the thought was nice, if nothing else.

Yesterday was an emotional day for me, and even today I'm feeling quite low.  I think part of it is because for the past 5 days I've stayed the same.  I should be absolutely thrilled with my loss of 11.5 lbs in a two week span, but honestly, I am disappointed that I've stayed the same for 5 days. 

The logician in me says "hey, your body just went through a major change.  You've been on the same low calorie diet for two weeks and your body has adjusted to the reduced amount.  It's holding on to what you've got right now and once you start putting real food back into your system, albeit in small amounts, the weight will start dropping off again." 

I know this is likely true.  But it's hard to really accept.

I'm tired.  I'm very tired.  I guess I was tired before, but I'm having trouble concentrating and staying on task.  I think part of it is because I was so out of my work routine for two weeks.

How sad is it that I can't even blog well?  That's how out of it I am.  I have a phone conference today at 3:30 and I really just want to call and reschedule it since they probably haven't done anything in the past three weeks to accomplish the tasks they've been given anyway.  Then I could go home and sleep.

I also think part of my fatigue is depression.  I'm trying to decide if I should have my doctor increase my meds temporarily or if I should just try to fight through.  the thing is, though, I don't want to have to fight through, I want to be off of the meds as much as possible, but right now I just don't see the point.  All I want to do is sleep...I don't want to be at work, I don't want to watch TV, eat/drink, walk, etc.  Heck, I don't even want to READ and for me...that's really saying something. 

What do you think?  Should I just bite the bullet, have the doc increase my antidepressants and get through this initial phase of depression or should I give it a little longer?  I mean, I don't want to think that I need to stay on the increased dosage, but once I'm on the increased dosage, I won't know when I need to come back down to a lower dose. 

I just hate feeling like this...I hate this "what's the point" feeling.  but...it is what it is. 

I know the point will become clearer to me over time.  But right now...the fog of depression is so dense I can't see the point in anything. 

oh well. maybe tomorrow will be better since I have my 2 week post op appointment.  sorry for being a downer.

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