Oh my i can't believe I have not blogged in 6 months. That should tell you something, LOL. Whenever people avoid updates it's usually bad news! That's the case for me. I tell you what, this year has been a real struggle for me with my weight. I am currently up to 138-140 and I hate it but I am trying not to get too down about it. At 3yrs post op I am still at a healthy weight and in a size 4/6 jeans. I want to get back where I was and I believe I will but it is really very hard at this stage. I have had a lot going on this year and it has really affected my weight. I am an emotional eater and always will be I guess but I need to learn to manage it better. When I blogged at 2.5yrs I didn't mention some of the struggles I had been through because i was trying to avoid the topic and work through them.

The truth is my husband and I split up in Nov last year. We got back together around New Year's and that is when my weight started creeping up. I'm not blaming him, I don't understand the exact reasons but the coincedence is too big to ignore. I have struggled ever since we got back together losing and regaining the same 10lbs. Well we finally decided it was not going to work after nine more months of trying and our divorce ws final last Wednesday so I am hoping I can get happy and lose this weight. Here I am three years post op with a completely different life. I know it's so cliche to be divorced now. I don't blame the surgery like a lot of people want to do. The truth is I don't think I changed from who I truly am, I am back to who I used to be....the problem in part was that the (fat) person that my husband married was not the true me. I am ready to find myself again, focus on me and my daughter and just be happy. I am not concerned with finding a man ANY time soon. I can't wait to date and live it up though! And let me tell you at 3yrs post op I can drink with no problem too, LOL but I know I gotta watch that ;) So anyway that is my update. I wll be moving out of the house the end of the month (yes we are divorced and still living together) when my apt is ready and hopefully be updating you all of my lost poundage very soon....I will be back in those tight jeans again :) Later all!

Ok so I am about a week early but I thought while I had the time and some things on my mind it would be a good idea to blog. Next Friday I am going to be 2.5yrs post op! I cannot believe it has been so long and I am beyond thankful for the way this surgery has changed my life. I will NEVER regret my decision as I have gained even more than I have lost. I have gained self confidence, self respect, self esteem, energy, pride, joy, not to mention the ability to do a ton of things, wear what I want, go anywhere and do anything I set my mind to! I have proven myself to myself and to other people and I have added years of health to my life!

I want to take this time to reflect on some things that have happened to be me recently because I think it would be a disservice to anyone who reads my blogs to not know the full story. I gained some weight! Yep me, little miss "poster chld for WLS" as everyone likes to tell me. Well guess what, I'm not perfect I am only human and I let myself slip back into some old habits. I tell you this because I want everyone to be VERY aware that the further you get post op the easier it is to gain weight. You've all seen a lot of people do it and there is a good reason. it's easy to do! I can eat a fair amount of food now and what I can't eat in one sitting you better believe I can graze on it and get it in! I also unfortunately can eat sweets without dumping. I can't eat a ton of them but I can eat enough to add the pounds and sweets happen to be my biggest downfall. I love them! Cookies, candy, doughnuts, ice cream, you name it....if it is sweet I probably love it! I started eating a lot of junk that I didn't need to be eating and the pounds started creeping on. Here is the catch though, I stopped it and lost the weight BEFORE it got out of hand! That is the key people. We may have rerouted intestines but once we lose the weight (or even before, once you are close to goal) we are just like "normal" people in the sense that unlike before we now have to be aware of ourselves. We can't ignore lbs as they pile up and put changes off for another day.

We all have spent our lives hearing "skinny" women compain that they need to lose 5-10lbs all the while saying "whatever bitch!" to ourselves. Well now I can relate to that skinny girl. I am sure people look at me in my size 4 jeans and think what is she worried about? But I knew I had gained weight and I felt uncomfortable in my own skin and even more so emotionally/mentally. I was up to 137 which is a 10lb gain and I was not going to take it. So I got my butt in gear, got serious about cutting out the crap and eating right and now.....just one week later mind you I am back down to 129.5! I am proud of myself. It just proves that when you put your mind to it you can do anything. My "tight jeans" were my motivation and my real wake up call even more than the number on the scale. When I couldn't get into those jeans I knew I had to do something. I am in those jeans as I sit here typing this :) So the moral of the story is, if you are struggling don't give up! Don't beat yourself up for the mistakes you've made! Don't wallow in self pity and shame! Don't let yourself think for a second that you can't get back on track or lose the weight! You can do it if you put your mind to it! Don't put it off until next week, don't put it off until tomorrow, start right now! Take it one day at a time, one moment at a time if you have to and keep your eye on the prize. It's not always easy and you are going to slip up. The problem is letting those slip ups turn into habits. There is room for everything in our lives in MODERATION! Even my sweets...when I get to a point where I can handle them again, right now i can't and I am avoiding that all together. Know your weaknesses, know your strengths and do what you gotta do.

I am proud to be 2.5yrs post op and still wearing a size 4 and under 130lbs. I have learned one thing for sure and that is that this journey is NEVER over. It does not matter how far post op we are. If you had this surgery you are a food addict. I was a food addict 2.5.yrs ago, I am one today and I will be for the rest of my life. It is an addiction we have to learn to manage. We have to eat but we CHOOSE what we eat and how much. It's hard but we can do it! Keep up the good work everyone! Love to all!

Well it has been a long road getting here and I should have written sooner but time gets away from me. Anyway after I made the last post about the marathon being postponed, I ended up getting a REFUND check for my entry fee the very next week! They were so screwed up I won't even go into all of those details but it's insane. The race was supposed to be today, as of last week they were saying it was going to be cancelled all together and to be honest I'm not sure what ended up happening.

After I got my refund I took matters into my own hands (after being very pissed off initially) and signed up for another marathon that was scheduled for Oct 21 (the day after my 28th birthday)! It was the Nationwide Better Health Marathon in Columbus Ohio. A friend of mine and I went and did it together. Everything went smooth as silk and we did AMAZING! The time limit for walkers was 8hrs and for runners 7hrs. I finished in 6hrs and 40min meaning I walked it in less than the running time limit! I was very pleased with that as my goal was to finish in 7:30 :) My overall pace was 15:17, pretty awesome over 26 miles if I do say so myself. So it is official, I am a marathoner now!

My next goal is to work on running more. I want to be able to run at least half of the mini marathon next year but I'd like to run the whole 13 miles. Then when next year's full comes around I can run half of it and keep going from there. I am very proud of myself for sticking this out through all the obstacles I've faced. Once I set my mind to something nothing can stop me! Just wanted to update, talk to you all later!

I was just looking back over my profile and realized I've left out an important piece of info. I failed to mention that my marathon got postponed. I bet some of you reading may have wondered why I said nothing about my marathon. Two weeks before the marathon they decided to postpone it until Nov 3!! Pretty stupid and I was MAD but I am over it now. Anyway the weather had been really hot here and they decided they didn't have enough medical staff to accommodate the number of people who had registered. They didn't expect so many people to register the first year but it ended up getting a really big response. So now I have to continue training for two addition months which I was NOT happy about at all. I have almost a month of that behind me now thankfully so it is getting closer each day. I am so ready to be done with it and get on with my life! I did 18 miles two weeks ago and 20 miles this past weekend so I am getting to the highest point of my training again (I just went back two months on the training schedule and started over). Honestly I think it is hard on my body to still be doing this after so many months but I am hanging in there. So I just wanted to update on that. I may not write every single month anymore. Now that I am 2yrs out things don't really change much from month to month but I promise to update on anything important including the marathon when the date finally gets here. Until then....

From myspace blog pretty much sums up my thoughts:

Well today marks my 2nd rebirthday as many of my gastric bypass friends and I like to call it...some say surgiversary as well. We're pretty imaginative huh? LOL! Whatever you call it, it is a very special day for me and one I can't believe has arrived so quickly. When I think back over the past two years, really all a blur to me now, I cannot believe how drastically my life has changed.

Just two years ago I weighed 265lbs. At my height that put my BMI at 45.5 which falls into the category of morbidly obese. Let me tell you that is not an easy thing to hear, the word morbid attached to your condition. I had even applied for life insurance and been denied due to my morbid obesity and that really hit home for me, this company didn't want to insure me because they felt I was at a high risk of dying early. Wow! My body fat percentage was over 50% meaning that of the 265lbs I was lugging around, at least 130lbs of me was pure fat. I couldn't say I was just big boned or use any other excuse, it was FAT. I was wearing a size 26/28 in jeans and miserable in my own skin. I think I put up a pretty good front but on the inside I was very unhappy with how far I had let myself go. There was no one to blame but me, it was not genetics or anything else it was bad choices on my part and choices that no matter how much I tried I couldn't seem to get right long term.

On Sept 7, 2005 I walked into the O.R. of Carmel St. Vincent hospital at 11:55am and my life has never been the same. From the moment I woke up I knew it was the beginning of a new life for me and it has been. I have followed the rules given to me very closely and taken my decision very seriously. Gastric bypass surgery is NOT the easy way out. I still have to make (and struggle) with choices every single day about what to eat and not eat and whether to exercise. My new tool has given me the help and confidence I need to make the right choices. As a reminder to myself of what I was willing to give up when I had this surgery, I went on a protein fast this week. From Sunday night at dinner until Wednesday night at dinner I did not have a single bite of food, I only drank protein supplements and water. Was I hungry? YES! But I know now that what and when you eat is a choice and I used my tool and my willpower to say no to the food and remind myself of what I am capable of. 

My surgeon is amazing and I love her dearly for giving me a second chance at life. The Carmel bariatric center of Excellence is just that....excellent! I could not ask for a better support program to help me on my life long journey of continued health.

I reached my ultimate goal weight of 130lbs in November 2006 and have maintained at or below that ever since. This morning I sit here at 125lbs and thrilled with my life. I now have a BMI of 21 and a body fat percentage of 18% which falls well within the healthy range of 17-24%. That means that of my 125lbs I am only carrying 23lbs of fat. Now I can comfortably wear a size 4 in jeans, a size that was never even in my wildest dreams. I have also lost over 100 inches from my body, including 19 inches from my waist, 22 inchest from my hips and 14 inches from each thigh!! I can do ANYTHING I want to do now, as I have proven in the last few months with my marathon training. I look better on the outside but more importantly I feel better on the inside. I love the person I have become in just two years and person I know I can continue to be for life thanks to this surgery.

I want to thank every family member and friend who has supported me through the past two years and will continue to support me in the future. I know many people were scared when I made the decision to alter my digestive track forever, it was a big decision but one I would not change for anything. I was blessed with a speedy recovery, no complications and no troubles tolerating foods and I know how lucky I am. I also know how hard I have worked to get where I am and I do not give all of the credit to the surgery, it helped ME get myself to where I am today. You see many people have gastric bypass and regain their weight, that is because it is not the magic answer. I will never let myself forget that and I will continue to do what I need to do to stay the healthy person I have become and love. It's a wonderful life!!