16 Hours and it's starting to set in..

Mar 07, 2010

I just finished chugging my lovely and "pleasing lemony tasting" magnesium citrate.  As I responded to another thread, there is nothing pleasing about it.  It makes my stomach feel very heavy and unsettled.  I promptly chugged a second glass of water as directed on the bottle (and to get the nasty taste out of my mouth).  Now just to wait....

I have somewhat of a surreal feeling right now.The dread and fear come and go, but there is a glimmer of hope budding.  I really can't believe that I'm going to change my life forever tomorrow.  Tothink that I might ACTUALLY be average weight someday (and even someday soon) is somewhat unbelievable.

I'll have to get up by 3:30 to take my second antiseptic shower and for the drive to the hospital.  I don't know if I'll be able to sleep.

Jed is acting like it is just another day on the outside, but I know he's worried.  Everyone seems worried.  I really wish that I had an IRL truly supportive person... someone who is cheering me on.  Part of me is afraid to post my feelings on the main board.  I just don't want anyone to say "stop whining."

I feel like I have to be on autopilot, lest I really start freaking out and call the whole thing off.  That's a real fear I have.  Too many "what ifs" and "if I only's."  What if I kept my lapband and tried to really diet with it uninflated?  Then they could ratchet it down again so I could maintain.  But I know that won't happen.... I just WISH it could.

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