sptalents
July 2010
Jul 02, 2010
July 25, 2010
I haven't been too bad following what I am suppose to be eating...just get discouraged that the pounds are glued to me. Maybe because I am a little down, I am just not into posting on the boards...people may not mean to say things the way they do...but sometimes...I wonder their intentions.
I go and see the cardiologist on Tuesday to have a stress test and ultrasound on my legs. And I will go see Dr. M on Thursday. My husband will go with me. I know I need to have a visit with him...but the ultimate thing is ... lose the weight before surgery.. . I am getting desperate enough that I am thinking about an all liquid diet. I am so ready to feel better..I feel horrible and this is not the way to start school.
July 21, 2010
OKAY...if I already wasn't feeling down enough....I had to go for my yearly female visit and he wanted to know how the band was doing. Guess I forgot I hadn't been to him since my band left me. Anyway...we talked for a while and he started telling me about calories, etc. He picked up his box of gloves and told me to pretend it was chocolate. Probably would be about 60,000 calories. Then he picked up a medicine cup and said...this was the stored fat from the candy bar. Then he went on to make an analogy about taking a backhoe to your backyard and moving dirt to the front yard...losing weight is like taking a teaspoon instead of the backhoe and moving one spoonful at a time. I thought...I might as well just throw the towel in....before I left he had gone to his office and looked up what he was trying to tell me...how many of you knew that 3500 or 4000 calories equals 1 pound of fat in our body...I know him well and he meant to be encouraging...but I cried all the way to my husband's office feeling totally defeated!!!! I am upset now typing this....because if I have 200 pounds to lose, do you realize that I have 700,000 to 800,000 calories of fat in me to lose....boy I just thought 50 pounds sounded terrible. I am going to stop typing right now....since I seem to be just a big ray of sunshine!
July 20, 2010
I hate being trapped in the fat body.....I am trying to lose the weight he wants me to get off....I sit and eat grilled chicken salads when those around me are eating mexican, desserts, fried fish and french fries....it was so much easier to watch them eat when I wasn't hungry. It isn't fair....the same four pounds have been going up and down the last two weeks. No more diet pills for me...unless they promise to watch me VERY CLOSELY. I do not want to end up at the hospital again. I am so ready for the next step of my life...Robert has already started planning our trip to Alaska for next summer. I want to go...just can't enjoy the trip if I feel like I do now.
July 13, 2010
Just a quick update. Trying to keep my spirits up. I am so ready to feel better and lose again. I wish that the 40-50 pounds I need to lose before he will discuss surgery would just fall off. I went to see a cardiologist yesterday. He did a CAT scan on my chest...I am wearing a holter monitor until 11 today....I have a ultrasound on my heart today and of course our annual mammo. I will have a venous ultrasound on my legs later this month and he said something about having a chemically induced stress test and possibly a CAT scan on my head since I had the trouble on the 21st. Once all of this is done, I will see him again on the 10th of August. So not that I am hoping they find anything, but I need to know what happened on that day and why I still have no energy...my get up and go has definitely got up and went without me....so if you see it....please send it back home. I just want to feel better and get back to the gym and get on with my life. Anyway...I am fixing to go and walk around a store for awhile to see if I can get the monitor to pick up the way I was feeling last Wednesday.
July 8, 2010
I went to see Dr. M on Wednesday. No more than I knew before. He will not talk to me about a scheduled date. He wants the weight off before surgery...and I understand...I just need to know when so that I can plan time off from school.
For those of you who have had the lap band and are not happy with it for whatever reason....I am envious you still have yours. I loved my band...I was losing with my band...I can not believe that it decided it didn't like me.
I will see a cardiologist on Monday to follow up with what happened to me that landed me up in the hospital ER. Then either at that time or later in the month I will see him about the circulation in my legs.
It seems if it isn't one thing then it must be a hundred more. It will get better, hopefully...I am ready.
July 2, 2010
I made a decision yesterday. I canceled the diet doctor...can't think of a reason to go to him. I rescheduled an appointment with Dr. Merriman for next Wednesday. Just want to touch base with him and see what the next step is and when to reschedule an appointment for follow up.
I am still going to the wound care clinic and I will ask them again about the doppler. Supposedly I have venous disease...but when I saw the paperwork....I could not tell that was what was diagnosed. BUT...I am not the doctor. They said the next step was some kind of laser surgery to close off some of the veins to promote better circulation. I don't know...
I really don't have a big weekend planned...just to rest and get ready for next week and then I will tutor once a week. School will start before we know it. June flew by...guess by teaching half day...made it seem to go a little faster.
I have such a wonderful support group here. I appreciate them....I feel I am in limbo right now, between surgeries and trying desperately to lose the weight he wants me to. Emotionally I am having such a hard time right now.....I don't need the psychologist to prepare for surgery....I need him to deal with everything I have been through between them.
