So Scared Now

Jan 05, 2011

I'm off work, I'm at home, and I'm calmly freaking out. Im so scared that something will go wrong and I'll end up dying from some freak anomally on the surgery table and never see my son or husband again. I know this is completely irrational, but I'm scared as hell now. I have been fine all day, but my son was picked up from daycare by his grandma and he's staying the night at her house because we have to be at the hospital at 5:00am, so I wont even get to see him tonight. I have to do a bowel prep (yay for me :-/) so I came straight home from work to get this done and over with, so what if when I said goodbye to him this morning ends up being the last time? Oh my god, I feel nuts now. I want to drive down to Grandmas house and give him the biggest hug, but thanks to this bowel prep, I'm stuck at my house. (She lives like 30 minutes away, and I don't want to chance anything) Why have I been so okay up until RIGHT NOW?? I hope I calm down because I am totally getting terrified. Not of the surgery, but of the fact that something could go wrong. My surgeon is brilliant, and I know that, but still, things happen all the time and I don't want to lose everything! I'm going to go pack my bag and keep myself busy.  I just had to get all that out. Pray for me please. I'm going to hope for the best and pray for the best. Tommorow is it. 12 Hours left to go...

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