Sleeved and Home

Jan 08, 2011

I had my surgery on Thursday, 1/6/11, and I've been home since Friday morning. It's been a wild ride, with a lot of ups and downs, and I'm still undecided how I feel at any given moment. At one moment (usually when the pain medicine is in full swing) I am so happy I made this decision and so happy for what my future holds. At the next moment (usually when the pain medicine wears off) I'm hating myself for making such a painful decision to put myself through this, and I just sit and think "God, how vain are you? You are going through major surgery to be THIN?!" But I know that deep down it wasn't about just vanity, it was about health, and longevity, and quality of life. It's crazy the things your mind does to you when you are in a situation like this. It probably isn't helping that I forgot to take my anti-depressant medicine for the last 4 days either. I cannot belive I was so stupid about that! I know better, but for some reason, it never occured to me! Until this morning, when I'm all weepy and sitting in a pool of self-pity. I have to wait awhile to take it since I just took my pain pill, but I definitely won't be forgetting today. 
   This is so much harder than I imagined! I had it in my mind that all I had to do was follow my doctors instructions, and everything would be as smooth as can be. I didn't anticipate that every single sip of liquid would cause a massive stomach cramp (feels like a stomach seizure) and I'd have to keep sipping even though every sip hurts. I didn't expect that nothing would sound good to drink, or that I would have such a difficult time even imagining drinking my protein. How these thoughts didn't occur to me is beyond me, but they didn't. I just figured if I was allowed to have it, I'd be able to tolerate it.  
  Truthfully though, even if I would have known it, I still would have made the same decision, and I would still be dealing with it. I know that this is a part of the package, and I know that it's worth it. I know each day will be better than the last, and I know that once this pain is a dull memory, life will be better. I just really hope that time comes soon! lol. This journey is just getting started, and I can't wait to have my first Victory to post! Lots of love for all you out there, and keep your head up! XOXO

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