How can a Journey so wonderful be so painful and depressing?

Aug 18, 2011

Hello, My name is Denise I am married to a sweet, caring, wonderful man for almost 12 years now.
We met online about 13 years ago. Love at first sight.
I was 175 lbs then happier too. Then I was able to walk able to run. Was able to cook clean you know everyday life. I use to have friends back then. I some how lost them all. NOW I have 1 friend  whitneyb1999 (Beth) who I met at the hospital she told me about this site.  NOW I can't do anything. I have to count on my husband (Craig) for just about everything! I found out I had a herniated disc a crush disc and a slip disc doctors seem to think I was in an accident but I never have. I now also live with fibromyalgia. I am in pain 24/7.
My home was always in NB. My husband is from Ont. He went to NBCC last year got a 3rd diploma this time in welding but there is no work here.  So we are leaving NB and heading to Ont soon. I will have no one there but he will. I am leaving my mom and my brother behind and it hurts so bad!! I'm sure some of you are thinking suck it up. TRUST me I am trying to. I'm 41 I should be able to go with no regrets towards the move for a better live. BUT leaving my mom I don't know what she will do. When my dad died in 98 she tried to kill herself a few times. That is was scares me. She is so mad at me for leavong her behind but I need to live my life and that is with Craig. Last night she said Craig will leave me when we get there she is trying so hard to get me to leave him  and it's not going to work. Beth even said Craig would give me the moon if he could that she can see how much he loves me.
I am so stressed out. I don't know if I'm coming or going!
I am still not eatting like I should still not drinking my water as i should.
I need life to be so much better then itis but I can't see it happening.

I prefer to live

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